|
Blog for the book, Wrong Vengeance (The Toxic Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  Without context, "move on" can be bad advice to some. Moving on in the sense of only "jumping back out there" can result in the same heartbreak, if you're still carrying bags of pain. In addition to getting hurt, you can inflict toxic behavior onto a new partner. Before getting into another relationship, it's best to ensure that you're healed OR is in the process of healing. "You don't have to like it, you don't have to hide your feelings about it. But accept it."There still may be moments of sadness and anger. However, making sure your heart is taken care of can prevent you from breaking someone else's. Fully moving on with the implication of healing first can entail: Processing what happened. How many times have we asked ourselves "Did that just happen? No!" Understanding what happened gives a clear view of what to do next and how you can turn it around for the better. Acceptance. This goes along with processing feelings. After you have an understanding of the end, accept it. You don't have to like it, you don't have to hide your feelings about it. But accept it. Not accepting that it's time to let it go can result in delusions creeping in. Delusions can have you running back, chasing after something that has ended, and creating the illusion that the pain isn't that bad. Express your true feelings. It's okay to say how you REALLY feel. You can be sad, confused, mad, or even feel foolish for caring about the wrong person. Express that to release those emotions and get you into the process of healing. Don't lie to yourself. Speak them aloud.  Mend your heart. Take care of yourself. Watch motivational videos, talk about it with your friends, etc. If needed there's nothing wrong with accessing your heartbreak with a professional. Find and use the tools/resources available to keep you moving forward healthily. Healing takes time. Don't be so quick to rush back into the dating pool to prove a point or to think that it'll erase how the past relationship made you feel. Learning the lessons. Find out where you went wrong. What did you accept? What did you take for granted? What can you do different if faced with the same issue(s) in the future? If you got played...you got played. It happens. Look at the signs you missed and how you can spot them more clearly in the future. It's all about using the situation to propel you into a better life. Finding ways for the heartbreak to make you better instead of bitter. Over time, the thought of certain causes of the pain won't cut as deep. With that, turn the perspective around. Instead of being angry, be grateful for the memories and the lessons. Being bitter only tears you down. It does NOTHING for the other party. Don't seek revenge (as much as it tempts you) as it only gives temporary relief. And can cause bigger issues down the road.  Staying busy. Try a new restaurant, catch a movie, and plan a shopping day for yourself. Be sure to pour into be that love you by catching up with friends and family. You can also release the stress of the breakup with a workout. Find a new hobby. Anything that will keep your mind from staying in the place of heartbreak. Resisting the urge to look back. It's oh-so-tempting to hop online and search for your ex. Why? What gratification are we getting by looking at their lives? There's nothing you can do about them moving on so you watching it won't change the outcome. Falling down the rabbit hole of researching your ex, tortures you. What you discover may inflict more hurt and throw the healing process off course. Even if they reach out, remember the rough times and how hard you fought and still fighting to get over it. And THEN, when you're ready, get back out there!  In the book, Wrong Vengeance, Brandy took her past pain into a new relationship. Charles gave her everything she deserved and more. He came with a few flaws but none that she couldn't handle with a little patience and time. Throughout their relationship, Brandy morphed into her past, showing Charles a toxic side that he didn't sign up for. Will their love survive her pain? About Wrong Vengeance He Wanted to Love Her, She Wanted REVENGE! Brandy's life has two sides: 1. Career, confidence, beauty, and brains. 2. Behind closed doors, there's a toxic being slowly draining her spirit. One night of emotional and physical abuse from her broken boyfriend killed her spirit. Although she escaped the bad relationship, a seed of pain was planted deep. Brandy unknowingly transformed into what hurt her. Can true love cure a toxic heart? Moving on with her life, she meets Charles, who is the total opposite of the love she left. However, fearing that her old life would resurface, she sends him on a whirlwind of complications, arguments, and toxic behaviors learned from the past. Charles vows to love Brandy through it all with his actions but, her bad habits can push him away for good. How can one heal from trauma while trying to love again? Don't have the book yet? Order your copy today! Available on MULTIPLE eBook platforms. Paperback copies exclusively available on Amazon! BONUS! Get a sneak peek of Chapter 1: The Loitering Bachelor, from Wrong Vengeance HERE!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
0 Comments
Finding the right time to say "I met someone new." We all have them. We can be them sometimes. The overly excited type who will lead you down a road of dating/relationship possibilities. Meanwhile, all you need to do is just breathe and get to know the potential love interest. Most importantly, many have said that as soon as you brag to your friends, the almost relationship fails. Scenario: An open-hearted woman meets a nice guy on an app. They had great conversations, facetime calls, and texts throughout the day. The beginning stage was so promising that she was ready to tell her friends about this potential mate. Even though she was only about two weeks in. All it took was her mentioning him and the friends took off with it. They gave date night ideas, had her on imaginary baecations, urged her to show them pics of him, and brought him up in casual conversations. One of the friends started planning double dates before she went out on a first date with the guy. They'd ask about him every time they spoke to her; asking questions she could barely answer. Only revealing that she still needed more time to get to know him. However, to her friends, it was as if she were in a monogamous relationship.  She and the guy were almost to the point of meeting up...And then the other shoe dropped. He revealed that he only wanted her for casual hookups although she was upfront about wanting a relationship. She was thrown and couldn't understand how someone could switch up so soon. As she mourned the almost lover, she anticipated embarrassment. The next girl's night would entail explaining how he turned into Mr. Wrong. Which turned into upcoming weeks of asking if they'd talked, bashing him, and re-telling the story from their perspective. When all she wanted to do was forget about his existence. Should she have kept it all to herself?  Your friends can't help themselves. They want to see you happy and in love. Which is a GREAT thing. But too much excitement too soon can lead to huge disappointments. Friends can sometimes lead down a road of fantasizing about dates, future plans, etc. It's hard to pull back once its starts and it can cloud judgment when vetting a potential partner. Spilling the beans on a possible relationship is absolutely normal. Taking your friends along that journey can be helpful to some as they provide advice along the way. If you can handle the questions during and after it's over, then share on. It's hard to forget when you have to retract your feelings and statements about that person being so amazing. It's not a complete heartbreak to heal from, but definitely a big disappointment. The benefit of waiting is that you don't have to worry about explaining and dwelling on it not working out. You can enjoy time with your friends and focus on creating memories with them. The only drawback is that when it's over, there's no one to vent to without having to explain everything from the top.  Ways to Calm it Down: Set the tone. If you show up delusional they'll grab it and run. Be transparent in speaking about what it really is instead of what you hope it'll be. Let them know that you're taking it slow. It's not a big deal just yet. Change the narrative from locked in too soon to dating and staying open.Remind. Reiterate that you're just getting to know each other. Not ready for the major stuff yet. Try bringing up random guys you see and think are attractive to show you're still looking. Change the narrative from locked in too soon to dating and staying open. Scale down the fantasy. Instead of talking about what you want in the long run, talk about what you want for the short term. What do you want to know about them? What do you like about them? What do you want them to know about you? Talk about each step of the way and how it's going for you instead of drawing a dramatic picture of the future. Pause. One of the best options is to wait until you know for sure it is something worth pursuing before starting the "I've been seeing this guy/girl..." conversation. In the VERY beginning stages, we meet the "representative"; it feels promising. Give time for the shade to slowly fall. Be honest. If you don't want to talk about it, let them know. They are your friends and will always understand.  It is okay to be excited about meeting someone new. But don't allow the excitement to overshadow the reality of the situation. The potential can lead you on faster than a partner.  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Why Am I Holding On? “…Lena Horne was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave…” My fav line from the movie “Madea’s Family Reunion”. In that case, Blair underwood wasn’t speaking to the great Lynn Whitfield’s character about a relationship. Somehow that line always sticks out to me in my own personal dating life…posing the question: Do we ever know when to leave? And once we know, why does it take long to act on it. Or better yet why does take pain to finally exit. You can't put your finger on it, but you know something is wrong. Then, a sign appears; staring you dead in the face and still wanting to wait it out. At times, it’s okay to wait and see because things aren't always what they appear to be. Giving the benefit of the doubt never hurts. But what about that gut feeling? The gut feeling unscrambles the truths that are half told. Connects the dots in the middle of the night, digging up the questions you should have asked. Laying the red flags on the table isn’t enough. You just can’t let that person go. Many factors contribute to the lack of moving on when it’s time:
Deep down, we know better. We’ve been taught lessons both the soft (someone telling us OR watching someone go through it) and the hard way. But once you’re in it, there’s a force beyond what you know to be common sense. Beautiful words of what you want to hear deepen the connection; making it hard to untether yourself. Knowing that in the long run, there’s a slim chance that what you want and deserve is NOT coming from this person. It doesn’t take much to find an excuse to stay. The nameless/faceless attraction will win over the list analysis. Leaving is a no-go all the while, your mind is screaming for you to get out before you get hurt. Why Is It Important to Know When to Leave? |
"I LOVE to write and create. These are the diaries of how I work and deal in my world of writing and LIFE!"
- The Blakk Dahlia from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
Important Links
Categories
All
Archives
May 2024
|
RSS Feed
