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…(And What They Taught Me)  When I decided to self-publish my first book, I thought the hardest part would be writing it. I quickly learned that finishing the manuscript was only the beginning. Self-publishing requires you to wear multiple hats—writer, editor, marketer, project manager, and entrepreneur—all at once. Even with the countless books, videos, and online resources available today, mistakes are almost impossible to avoid. There's always something to remember, revise, or learn the hard way. Looking back, though, those mistakes became some of my greatest teachers. Every setback helped me improve my process, sharpen my skills, and approach each new book with more confidence. Here are three of the biggest mistakes I made as a self-published author—and how they ultimately made me a better one. 1. I Didn't Plan My Pre-Release Marketing Early EnoughOne of the biggest misconceptions I had was believing marketing started a few days before my book launched. I assumed posting a few promotional graphics on social media would be enough to generate excitement. It wasn't.  I soon realized that successful book launches begin months before publication. Readers need time to discover you, become familiar with your work, and build anticipation for what's coming next. Pre-release marketing is about creating awareness, growing your audience, and giving people a reason to care about your upcoming release. As a new author, you're not just selling a book—you're introducing your brand. Today, I begin promoting much earlier by sharing writing updates, cover reveals, character teasers, behind-the-scenes content, and email newsletters long before launch day. By the time my book is released, readers will already feel invested in the journey. 2. I Rushed the Editing ProcessLike many first-time self-published authors, I tried to save both time and money by handling much of the editing myself. I was eager to meet my personal deadlines and move on to publishing, but I underestimated how important fresh eyes are. After publication, I received thoughtful reviews and feedback pointing out areas where the story could have been more developed, scenes that needed additional clarity, and opportunities to strengthen character development. While constructive criticism can be difficult to hear, it became invaluable feedback that helped me become a stronger storyteller.  I also learned another expensive lesson: not every editor is the right editor. Because I was working with a limited budget, I chose the least expensive editor I could find without doing enough research. Unfortunately, they weren't familiar with my genre or the tone and voice I wanted to preserve. Instead of improving the manuscript, the experience cost me both time and money. Now I understand that hiring an editor isn't simply about finding someone who can correct grammar. It's about finding someone who understands your audience, respects your writing style, and knows how to elevate your story without changing your voice. 3. I Didn't Ask for Enough HelpI've always been fiercely independent. If I could figure something out myself, I would. While self-reliance is valuable, I eventually realized that trying to do everything alone was slowing my growth. The self-publishing community is filled with experienced authors who have already made the mistakes you're about to make. Their advice, courses, podcasts, writing groups, and online communities can save you countless hours of frustration. Looking back, I wish I had asked more questions, sought more feedback, and leaned into the experience of others sooner. There's nothing wrong with learning independently, but there's also wisdom in accepting guidance from people who've already walked the path. Today, I view asking for help as part of the publishing process—not a sign of weakness, but a shortcut to growth. Every Mistake Is a LessonEvery writing journey includes failures, disappointments, and unexpected challenges. Ironically, I've learned far more from the moments that didn't go according to plan than from the ones that did. After completing each book, I spend time reflecting on the entire process by asking myself questions like:
These questions help me identify patterns, celebrate progress, and continuously improve with every project.  Self-publishing is a continuous learning experience. No matter how prepared you are, you'll make mistakes along the way. The important thing isn't avoiding failure—it's learning from it. Every lesson becomes part of your publishing blueprint, making each future book stronger than the last. If sharing my mistakes helps another author avoid unnecessary setbacks, then every one of those lessons was worth it. Growth comes from experience, and every published book is another step toward becoming a better writer, publisher, and storyteller.  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries, outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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I've personally received great feedback on the Heartbreak Diaries Series. Every purchase, read, and kind words are greatly appreciated. Reviews Matter! Indie authors need reviews/ratings to stay competitive. Reviews help boost the credibility of a self-published author while sharing your thoughts/views on their work! Loved a book from the Heartbreak Diaries Series? Speak on it! Visit your favorite retailers to leave a review or click stars to rate! Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Apple Books | Kobo  About the Heartbreak Diaries the Heartbreak Diaries is a romance-suspense series with stories told from the heart’s perspective. The fiction series tackles how one’s heart approaches dating, relationships, marriage, and even "situationships" within the mind frame of living in the past, or concerns about the future. What's unique about this series is that it dives into these heart types from a real and vulnerable place. Each book has a "dear diary" moment from an integral character, displaying their true intentions within the story.  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  The story that kicked off the Heartbreak Diaries Series: Rushing to Distraction (The Foolish Heart): I'm sure this book had a different title but, I'll have to dig through old notes to remember what it was. With this book, I earned a new title, Published Author. The feeling of seeing my work become a published book was the most amazing one ever! I remember being very proud and motivated to get others on the market. "Rushing to Distraction" was definitely a learning process. From not knowing how to even get the book to print, to now understanding the logistics of book publishing and gaining even more knowledge during new phases of this journey.
The process from concept to release was a hard one. I started writing this book in 2015 and it was released in 2018. During that time, I didn't think I was "ready enough" to publish the book. Then one day, it hit me to just put it out there and see what happens. Four books later, I have a complete book series all because I dared to try! About the book: Rushing To Distraction (The Foolish Heart) How do you know when to give up? Farrah is driven, focused, and knows her worth until she runs into Jamie. After a long time of putting love on the back burner, the guard quickly crumbled over this man's potential. She wasn’t asking for romantic feelings, but when they showed up it was hard to let go.   The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. Blog for the book, Wrong Vengeance (The Toxic Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  Without context, "move on" can be bad advice to some. Moving on in the sense of only "jumping back out there" can result in the same heartbreak, if you're still carrying bags of pain. In addition to getting hurt, you can inflict toxic behavior onto a new partner. Before getting into another relationship, it's best to ensure that you're healed OR is in the process of healing. "You don't have to like it, you don't have to hide your feelings about it. But accept it."There still may be moments of sadness and anger. However, making sure your heart is taken care of can prevent you from breaking someone else's. Fully moving on with the implication of healing first can entail: Processing what happened. How many times have we asked ourselves "Did that just happen? No!" Understanding what happened gives a clear view of what to do next and how you can turn it around for the better. Acceptance. This goes along with processing feelings. After you have an understanding of the end, accept it. You don't have to like it, you don't have to hide your feelings about it. But accept it. Not accepting that it's time to let it go can result in delusions creeping in. Delusions can have you running back, chasing after something that has ended, and creating the illusion that the pain isn't that bad. Express your true feelings. It's okay to say how you REALLY feel. You can be sad, confused, mad, or even feel foolish for caring about the wrong person. Express that to release those emotions and get you into the process of healing. Don't lie to yourself. Speak them aloud.  Mend your heart. Take care of yourself. Watch motivational videos, talk about it with your friends, etc. If needed there's nothing wrong with accessing your heartbreak with a professional. Find and use the tools/resources available to keep you moving forward healthily. Healing takes time. Don't be so quick to rush back into the dating pool to prove a point or to think that it'll erase how the past relationship made you feel. Learning the lessons. Find out where you went wrong. What did you accept? What did you take for granted? What can you do different if faced with the same issue(s) in the future? If you got played...you got played. It happens. Look at the signs you missed and how you can spot them more clearly in the future. It's all about using the situation to propel you into a better life. Finding ways for the heartbreak to make you better instead of bitter. Over time, the thought of certain causes of the pain won't cut as deep. With that, turn the perspective around. Instead of being angry, be grateful for the memories and the lessons. Being bitter only tears you down. It does NOTHING for the other party. Don't seek revenge (as much as it tempts you) as it only gives temporary relief. And can cause bigger issues down the road.  Staying busy. Try a new restaurant, catch a movie, and plan a shopping day for yourself. Be sure to pour into be that love you by catching up with friends and family. You can also release the stress of the breakup with a workout. Find a new hobby. Anything that will keep your mind from staying in the place of heartbreak. Resisting the urge to look back. It's oh-so-tempting to hop online and search for your ex. Why? What gratification are we getting by looking at their lives? There's nothing you can do about them moving on so you watching it won't change the outcome. Falling down the rabbit hole of researching your ex, tortures you. What you discover may inflict more hurt and throw the healing process off course. Even if they reach out, remember the rough times and how hard you fought and still fighting to get over it. And THEN, when you're ready, get back out there!  In the book, Wrong Vengeance, Brandy took her past pain into a new relationship. Charles gave her everything she deserved and more. He came with a few flaws but none that she couldn't handle with a little patience and time. Throughout their relationship, Brandy morphed into her past, showing Charles a toxic side that he didn't sign up for. Will their love survive her pain? About Wrong Vengeance He Wanted to Love Her, She Wanted REVENGE! Brandy's life has two sides: 1. Career, confidence, beauty, and brains. 2. Behind closed doors, there's a toxic being slowly draining her spirit. One night of emotional and physical abuse from her broken boyfriend killed her spirit. Although she escaped the bad relationship, a seed of pain was planted deep. Brandy unknowingly transformed into what hurt her. Can true love cure a toxic heart? Moving on with her life, she meets Charles, who is the total opposite of the love she left. However, fearing that her old life would resurface, she sends him on a whirlwind of complications, arguments, and toxic behaviors learned from the past. Charles vows to love Brandy through it all with his actions but, her bad habits can push him away for good. How can one heal from trauma while trying to love again? Don't have the book yet? Order your copy today! Available on MULTIPLE eBook platforms. Paperback copies exclusively available on Amazon! BONUS! Get a sneak peek of Chapter 1: The Loitering Bachelor, from Wrong Vengeance HERE!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Inspired by the book, Devastation or Destiny??? (The Settled Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  Women are charged to “take whatever they can get” because of the myth that there’s not a lot of good men out there. That myth is FALSE! But what is true is that more than often, the good men aren’t paired with good women. Recipe for disaster in the end. However, not all relationships end because of infidelity and mind games. Some matches aren’t simply compatible with each other, and that’s okay. Whether its lifestyle choices, goals, and different views on how relationships operate, if it won’t fit in the long run, its best to know up front. But…there’s always that question of What if…? “He fits my heart, but doesn’t fit my life…” Scenario: You meet a guy, he says the right things, takes you on the perfect dates, engages in the most substance filled conversations. And on the other hand, he’s not into traveling, a strict homebody, and has traditional views on a woman’s place in the world. Now, if you love this, he’s the guy for you. What if you meet this type of guy and you’re the total opposite? You crave the adventure; you travel a lot for work; and is adapted to a more modernized version of women in the world. How do you continue the relationship without losing yourself? Do you let it go without feeling the pressure of living the rest of your life alone? Is there even room for compromise? A similar scenario was outlined in a few episodes of Girlfriends. Darnell was a good, hard-working man but he was happy where he was. Mya, on the other hand, was introduced to a different type of life which consisted of her going back to school to enhance her career, shopping at more expensive places, and living in another area (just to name a few). Overtime, influenced by her circle, she grew into being the opposite of him. Granted they’d been together since their teenage years. This ultimately resulted in the demise of their marriage. Now, the silver lining was that after a few years, they found their way back to each other.  Image Source: Everett Collection As we all know, life isn’t a sitcom, and these days, when it’s over, it over! Communication extends to adamantly demanding what you want/what you don’t want, forgetting about the potential growth of love, then moving on to the next. Which is not always a bad thing. Verbalizing your wants and needs out of life is a great way to prevent wasting time. However, some may always think about the road not taken. I’ve had this fear of my own. Thinking I’d wake up one day in a great relationship yet unhappy because I’ve compromised way too much of myself to be in love. It appears that certain types of women have to choose between love and lifestyle. Why is that so? Why is it difficult to simply find your equal? Is there an unspoken choice to make between loving yourself and loving another? “Maybe if I stick around, the tradeoff won’t be that bad…” In the book Devastation or Destiny???, Tanya didn’t leave after knowing that Kenneth was a “Traditional Man” while she preferred more adventure in her life. The love was way too great to let go. But was it really love or a sense of a controlling nature to mold her into his perfect idea of a woman? She found herself constantly contemplating and questioning whether or not her decision to live in a place where she didn’t want to call home. Along with him wanting to change her outlook on what married life should look like. All of this eventually resulted in the “Devastation”. The regret, heartbreak, and time invested into the relationship could have been avoided by her not giving in to his “rules”. Though in her eyes, the end of their love would yield greater pain compare to giving up the life she wanted. Over time, some relationships have evolved and both partners were able to grow together. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world and often adults are stuck in their ways and a few of the aforementioned items are non-negotiable. The great dates, conversations, and time-spent are distant memories and someone is thrown back to the drawing board. No matter the choices made, the great thing about life, it’ll always work out for your benefit. Just keep living and loving yourself unapologetically.  Comment your thoughts below, and find out how “The Settled Heart” heals in the emotional romance story, “Devastation or Destiny???” Available NOW!   The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. |
"I LOVE to write and create. These are the diaries of how I work and deal in my world of writing and LIFE!"
- The Blakk Dahlia from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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