 Life’s going well, then all of a sudden…a disruption! An incident, unexpected bill, work stress, or a heartbreak. Anything can come along and throw you off course. I want to encourage you to take a beat and refocus. Refocusing gives room to flush out ill thoughts and anxiety. It also provides an opportunity to properly access the situation and learn from it. Everything in life teaches us a lesson, especially the bad moments. A great way to refocus is to take a step back. Breathe to calm down the mind. You can’t make clear decisions running off of the emotions caused by a rough time. Raging emotions signal the mind to rush into attempting to solve the problem. In most cases, it makes things worse. You don’t have to remain completely still while refocusing. Fill your time with activities that will rejuvenate and release the range of heightened emotions.  What to do while refocusing Self-Care: Of course, this has become one of many new buzzwords, but the need for it remains true. Self-care can be a highly neglected area in our lives as we chase dreams while being in survival mode. However, the refocusing style of self-care involves more than just a trip or a hot bubble bath. Focus on internal needs. What do YOU need to heal from the blow? Take a Mental Break: Don’t think about it. Instead, breathe and heal. What happened or is happening can't be undone. You can’t change it. Having it swirl in your head will only bring you down internally, and it’ll then affect you physically. Why put such a burden on yourself? Make it a point to give yourself at least 24 hours of not thinking of what has thrown you off. Doing so clears your mind of clutter and allows you to approach the situation with the necessary clarity to tackle the problem.  Do an activity that makes you happy: Whether it's listening to music or cooking your favorite meal. Creating a flow of small joyful things boosts your morale and energy. Sulking doesn’t fix anything, but you can help fix your mood by doing things that give you pleasure. It also takes your mind off things that you can’t change. Look towards increasing the happy moments in your days instead of writing it off as having a bad day/life. Remember, the small things make a BIG difference. Workout: Hardcore exercising or yoga stretches takes your mind away into a productive place. When going through a hard time, all you want to do is forget about it. Working out challenges your mind and body pushing you. Forget about the outside factors, others involved, or even the solution. Tap into what you need to move forward. What NOT to do Self-blame: Taking accountability and blaming yourself are on two different spectrums. You can own up to your mistakes or habits that may have led to an obstacle without beating yourself up. React negatively: Sometime when we’re feeling down, we deem it as okay to keep going down the wrong path. But that’s not the case. Every day you wake up is another day to strive in being better at getting it right. Don’t fall victim to the “Well, I’m already down, can’t get worse…” FALSE…it could. No matter what you go through, things could always be worse. Don’t create more obstacles for yourself just because you think you’re down. Reset the tone and get back onto a positive track.  Replay it over and over: You were there. It occurred in your life. No need to re-live it over and over. I remember watching an interview with Tina Turner and the interviewer asked if she would watch her biopic “What’s Love Got to do With It”. She said she hopes she didn’t have to see it because she lived it. Take that approach, you lived it. No need to watch the movie playing in your head. Also, stay away from those who feel the need to bring it up every five seconds and remind you. Think about “shoulda, coulda, woulda”: It happened. You can’t change it. There’s no point in thinking out scenarios where you could have done things differently. Play the cards you’re dealt, even if it’s a bad hand. Things arise in our lives (whether bad or good) for our growth and development. It’s what we do with what happened that matters the most. The past is gone, let it stay there and focus on moving forward.  Things happen and there’s nothing we can do about it. Just know when hard times arise, it's an opportunity to learn and grow for the better. Attacks come when you’re on your way to your best self. It's normal. Refocus, pick yourself back up!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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Nothing to give, nothing to say, nothing to create. I’m drained! A friend gave me great advice when things aren’t working out as you want, leave it alone. Don’t bother it, don’t touch it, don’t allow it to fester in your mind and spirit. There’s nothing left to do but allow things to organically come back together. And when the time is right, it does. At times, I find it hard to constantly create ways to simply…create. I can’t concentrate, can’t think, and don’t have the normal drive to sit at the computer. And when I do, the ideas just won’t come. I feel sluggish and tired, only wanting to lay in bed. It’s not that I don’t want to be productive I just can’t get with it. This is what I call burnout. It's more than having “writer’s block”. It’s a mental block, preventing me the ability to function at my full capacity. Time moves on and nothing happens. It becomes comfortable for me to “not do it”. Then it mentally takes a toll as I feel like I’m being lazy. I love to write. I love to create. I want to work. But my mind and body just won’t allow it. When this moment arises, I have no choice but to step back and regain focus on my own time. It can come from lack of sleep due to work and/or piling more on my plate to “keep up”. So, I want to share what I’ve learned during my moments of burning out. Be honest with yourself about what you can/can’t handle. It’s okay! How do you know you’re burnt out? One minute you’re going full force, producing at a fast pace. Then the next…boom, it hits you. Sluggish feelings and frustration set in because you can't produce like you used to. The feelings are hard to control and come out of. You have no choice but to go with the motions of irregular patterns thrown into your regular work routine. Whenever this feeling arises what can you do? First, it's best to identify what it is. Feeling the burnout can come in many forms. It can range from falling behind on personal and professional deadlines to staying in bed longer than the alarm clock(s). It can also show up in the physical form. Headaches, physical pains, tiredness, and even sickness.  Getting hit with these symptoms can make you feel as if you’re inactive. Self-doubt kicks in, bringing you further down into a bad spiral. Instead of piling more work and forcing it, recognize what is happening to you. Understanding that you’re going through the motions of burning out, helps in dealing with it. When to leave things alone. As you deal with the mental and physical changes from being burnt out, you must know when to leave the work alone. Allowing it to just create space to recharge. Taking time away from your project, job, or whatever that’s draining you helps in refocusing your purpose while getting the necessary energy back. What if you’re not able to fully take time away? Peel a few layers off your tasks. Cutting back can be just as effective. Just as long as you’re not trying to operate at full speed while your energy is on empty. When your cell phone or laptop battery is low what do you do? Charge it. You don’t put more work on it or curse it because it's lacking productivity.  What to do in the meantime. While stepping away or cutting back, it's best to fill those spaces with activities to refuel. Remember, taking this time is meant to help YOU. Not to take on a new stressor or do for someone else. This is all about getting your mind and spirit back to a place where you’re operating on 100%. Here are a few examples of what to do:  Get ready for the abundance. Jump back in! After you have taken that necessary time, your mind and body have a way of letting you know that it’s time to jump back in. You can also test the waters if you’re feeling antsy but don’t hesitate to pull back if you’re feeling overwhelmed again. It tends to happen when you least expect it. All of a sudden, you feel better. The headaches are gone, and you feel like a new person. Once the burnout flows away from your recharging, you’ll tend to receive random overflows of ideas and creativity.  You wake up one day on a full battery and you’re ready to go! Burning out is normal. It doesn’t equate to a lack of productivity. You can’t escape it if you’re constantly working hard towards your goals. We’ve all been there. Don’t worry because it's only temporary, as long as you take care of yourself. Sooner than you think, you’ll be able to get back on the saddle operating better than ever!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Seasonal depression, too much on my plate, cold weather, work, and more work, nervous about what was to come. I felt all of that. I looked forward to completing the run for my play (Penny’s Kids) and hopping on a plane to St. Lucia! As time ran down, I felt the stress and anxiety of traveling alone while handling business before I left.  Then, once I stepped off the plane, my heart, mind, and body were in paradise! Ending the month on a great note by visiting a new place really set the tone for finishing the year strong! Upon returning home, I felt rested, happier, and accomplished at trying new things.  So, what did I do while there? Enjoyed the all-inclusive resort, Bel Jou. Beautiful place in Castries, St Lucia with an amazing staff and two pools, and a view to get lost in. Let’s not forget about the food and the nighttime! Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were buffet style and the hotel took great measures in keeping everyone safe and sanitized. Fresh tuna, good salads, jerk chicken, omelets, and amazing drinks! I even tried my luck at karaoke which everybody loved! You can do things like that in places where people don’t know you!  Took a boat ride to Sugar beach and tried snorkeling for the first time. The ride there gave an up-close and personal look at the gorgeous deep-blue waters surrounding mountain tops that reached the clouds. I’ve never seen a thing like that before.  Snorkeling time. I’m a fire sign (Sagittarius) and water without a boat isn’t my thing. But I’m happy to have crossed that off my bucket list. I stayed close to the shore and enjoyed the small “fishes” swimming in clusters. I spent a small time there but, it was enough to have an enjoyable experience. (Maybe I’ll try again one day, lol). The boat ride back consisted of rum punch fellowship, dancing, and good music. I had a nice time enjoying the diverse crowd of people from different places taking in the moments along with me.
Spent the day by the pool with endless margaritas and rum punch. Who doesn’t want to leave the cold air of New York and emerge into a place where you can walk around in a bikini all day? The resort provided two pools with bar areas in each section. Soaking up the sun and feeling cool waters was exhilarating. I took a break from hanging out on my room’s balcony and took a few pics. Laid in bed with no worries. On my last day, I wanted to sleep in. I watched the sunrise over my balcony and enjoyed movies.  On the way to the airport, our taxi driver took us on a small tour before leaving Castries. We stopped in a small pub for drinks, and I got to know a beautiful couple from Ireland who spent two weeks there for their honeymoon.
 The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Staying grounded in the final stretch.Summer is rolling on out. Even the sun the starting to leave us a little early in the evening. ‘Twas a fun and eventful one…but not without chaos and nerve-racking twists and turns that may have thrown us off course. In times like these, performing grounding techniques to keep us in the here and now. If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. ― Lao Tzu Try these grounding techniques to relieve fear and anxiety as we finish this year strong! Breathe. Take a few minutes to breathe. Deep inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Pausing for a moment to breathe helps in slowing down the mind and body. Positive Affirmations. Positivity is key. So cliché’, however, your mindsets the tone for how you will handle your days. Filling it with affirmations reminds us of who we are and what we’re capable of. Flushing out the bad thoughts brings clarity to many situations, giving time and energy to resolving and/or coping with whatever is right in front of us.
Laugh. Laughter cures more than we know. A small chuckle or a big guffaw can relax the; muscles relieving the tension and stress that is festering in your body. Go look at that funny video that brings a big smile to your face or a meme on social that puts a humorous spin on the current event. If your current situation isn’t a laughing matter, replace it with a few seconds of an entertaining distraction. There’s nothing we can do about what’s out of our control. Worrying won’t solve it. Reliving won’t solve it. Staying still and focusing on what’s presently is around us allows time to enjoy the present without the clutter of What to do…What I should have done.  How Do You Stay Grounded? Share your techniques in the comments!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Although things are different, the world is trying to get back to normal. But do we want it? Or can we create a “New Normal” taking in the lessons from the past year? I choose the latter. With a new season upon us, I refuse to go back to the old. I don’t even want to think about the old habits, yielding zero positive results. Sometimes we do things just because, that’s how it is. I’m charging myself to take in this new season with a new outlook and creating new habits.  More Meditation. Sit down and breathe out the anxiety. I’m excited about the Summer, but that doesn’t erase the anxious feelings carrying over from previous seasons. Meditating more throughout the day (or at least once a day) is sure to help keep me grounded in the Now. Anxiety builds the fear of what might or never will happen. It takes me away from the current moments where I can live in and enjoy. Sitting down back in 2020 gave me time to breathe and think of more positivity to drown out the negative. Slowing down from a busy life will allow you to gain so much clarity and it's much needed.  Better Experiences. We can travel now! Events are popping up left and right! How can I experience these amazing things in a better way? For starters, I could just go! Before, I’d sit and wait; thinking about something important coming up like a life event, bills, or me just not feeling it. But this time around, I’m taking it all in and making time to visit and experience events like never before. I hate looking at Instagram experiencing extreme FOMO because I didn’t make it happen.  Saying ‘No’ More Often. Whether work or leisure, being a yes person wears me out. I do it to take care of other’s feelings, all the while doing a major disservice to myself. Saying no and meaning it unapologetically takes care of my peace. Something as simple as not doing what I don’t want to do, or having the time to do at the moment. Those who understand, will…those who don’t can find someone else to do it OR wait for it! Self-Care times 1000. The self-care kickstarted way before the pandemic, but now it’s time to take it up a notch. With offices reopening and NYC MTA getting back in order, I’ll definitely need a lot more “me time”. This calls for putting on my calendar and signing off from EVERYTHING for some self-care. Before it was sporadic. I’d do it on a Sunday here and there, or wait for the idea to come. This HAS to become a habit for me to keep the anxiety levels low and remain sane. Just because everyone else is up in arms doesn’t mean that I have to join in.  The heat moving in for a few months doesn’t mean I have to have a Cruel Summer. This can be the best Summer yet, only if I keep my head together and allowing the good times to flow. What are your plans for the Summer?  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. |
"I LOVE to write and create. These are the diaries of how I work and deal in my world of writing and adventures!"
- The Blakk Dahlia Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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