Every year around this time resolutions, goals, and personal changes take over my mind and spirit.
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Then six months into the New Year, old habits creeps in. Those New Year declarations become a distant memory and/or an “I’ll do it next year” task. How can one be so pumped for making a change for the New Year then allow time to pass by with no real work towards the goals?

Don’t get me wrong I’ve accomplished goals set but the personal changes have been hard for me to stick to. So how does one make a change for the upcoming year and commit to it!?!

I’ve done the vision boards, the list of goals, but that’s only half of the work. For me that was the easy part. One thing I had to do was seriously hold myself accountable for the changes that were not made in previous years.
Of course life happens and some goals had to roll over or be placed on a lower priority temporarily. But, mostly, I was in my own way and don’t even realize it.

Creating excuses and/or procrastinating were my biggies. It only takes one time to skip that yoga session or nightly routine of writing. A day turns into a week...a week turns into a month. You know the rest. My habits or lack thereof creating good habits, gave me a one way ticket to lost resolutions.
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I had no one to blame but myself.

Also in my personal assessment, I found where I gave up too quickly, allowed that one rejection to change the goal, or I didn’t take the necessary small steps in between time. Rejection is part of any process. Yea yea yea we’ve heard that before. When you’re dealing with it, it’s the LAST thing you want to hear. Instead of turning that rejection into a blessing/lesson to learn from, I allowed the negative emotions to fester. This festering was a full-blown pity party and while I had the desire to move forward to reach goals, the party of pity was way more comfortable than trying again.

Learning to be more patient with myself.

Getting here I wanted to hit the ground running. Book shoots/gigs for modeling, book auditions, get job interviews lined up, have an apartment ready, and just live like I’ve been here for years. But in changing locations (and costs of living areas), it takes time. I found out the hard way. I did well on the job front as I was able to do a few phone interviews from Georgia, that way once I was permanently in New York, I was already moving forward to the next process.  With modeling, I was proactive in applying for various gigs that coincided with my relocation dates, a roof over my head was already in place prior to me leaving so that was done. Good job at me being proactive right?!? Well sort of…

Visiting NYC and actually living here are two different things. It wasn’t as if I was on one of my Fashion Week trips where I could splurge, hangout, and return home to my normal life and job. I had to figure out how I was going to survive. And in that, I had to remind myself “Heffa, you are not on vacation, YOU LIVE HERE!” when I found myself over-indulging.

New York is a constant hustle, which is one of the many reasons for me relocating here. So many opportunities to expand on what you’re already doing, while starting something new. However, if you’re not built for it, you can easily get lost in the shuffle which leaves you with an empty bank account and no direction as to what to do next.

Even with my proactive tasks, I still found myself not gaining the necessities I wanted within MY timeline. I had hoped to line up a job, get connected with a talent agency and be established within the first month. Crazy right! I had interview after interview but no job. Meanwhile, I dealt with my GA money not living up to NY costs. On top of that, it was harder than I thought to join the crowd of thousands of other dreamers who come here to pursue modeling and acting. I had to become more competitive with my marketing materials. More time and money needed. I felt like I didn't even pack enough warm clothes for this 20 degree weather! 

“I ask myself what am I doing here?...” – Alessia Cara

The Thoughts of Failing. My third night in New York, the fear started to set in. As I laid in bed, in the dark, I kept asking myself, “What am I doing?” “Why am I here?” I came up here with a plan, but…was it a SOLID plan. Given the history with some of my past “plans”, they tend to fail. I didn’t want to fail. I felt like failure was waiting right outside of my bedroom door, ready to greet me with his presence.
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The Fear of the Unknown. Throughout the process of planning and executing my “faith move”, my doubts were overshadowed by my excitement of FINALLY getting out of GA. But once the plane ride landed, the day of exploration was done, and reality settled in, fear popped up and said, “Hey girl, Hey!”

With any new venture there’s always the “what ifs” and possibilities of falling straight on your ass. I was afraid that falling would send be running back home with my tail between my legs. Not that I care a lot about what others think, but I didn’t want to let myself down.

With being in this cold azz city, I’ve discovered a new love for coffee shops. They’re all nice and dainty with a small cup of espresso (all this time I thought it was “expresso”, smh), coffee, or tea for nothing less than $3.something. Aside from the cost and the quantities, I’ve come to see why these types of places helps to birth creative ideas and projects. There’s something about a soothing hot beverage that ignites the spirit of the city within me. My desire to try these shops came from my obsession with the series Frasier. Watching Frasier and his brother Niles give comedic and dramatic exchanges over cups of coffee in their regular spot drew me to this place.

Also, coffee shop visits helps me to break free from the bar scene as I love it but it can’t be the only great venues to explore in the “Big Apple”.

Espresso Bar Crawl: The place visited, Zibetto Espresso Bar. Great location for offices nearby who need a morning start or a midday pick up. And even with their menu guide, I was still confused. (Not their fault tho, I just need an Espresso 101 lesson lol)

Never knew the deal with espresso. Thought it was just another regular cup of “joe”. Little did I know, this tiny cup was packed with high amounts of caffeine and although I wondered where was the rest of the beverage.  I read up on what I was actually drinking to understand how to order.


​So here’s the deal: I found this awesome blog (TheSpruce.com) that broke it down for me.

According to Lindsey Goodwin's blog, Deciphering the Coffeehouse Menu's Espresso Drinks:
Espresso (ess-PRESS-oh) is a full-flavored, concentrated form of coffee that is served in "shots." Espresso is made by forcing pressurized, hot water through very finely ground coffee beans. This process is called "pulling a shot." Regardless of the size, espressos are usually poured into a demitasse (a small, 2- to 4-ounce cup). 

The blog also breaks down how to order as well as info on Café Latte’s, Cappacinos, and more! 
Read full blog here!
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So now I feel equipped to walk back into Zibetto and confidently order! Wish me luck!