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Tools my writing life can’t live without  Writing is so important to me. It’s yet another creative outlet to express myself and share authentic thoughts; with a sprinkle of imagination. Although writing may appear easy, sitting down with a notepad or computer; it’s not as simple for true creators. For me, there are “must-haves” that allow me to work freely without distractions along with providing the inspiration to get thoughts down on paper (or on the screen). With this, I’d love to share my list of essentials for writing. These elements help me to create within my own world. It’s all about relaxing, forgetting about the day’s mishaps and strenuous tasks, to…just write.  Thesaurus. With everything I write, I seek elevation. Often, I find myself saying the same things the same way. There’s no growth in that. So, my “handy-dandy” thesaurus helps me to express emotions and actions which A. upgrades my personal vocabulary and B. levels up my work. It also helps in the editing process so that my words don’t sound redundant and long-winded. As writers we tend to make the mistake of taking the “scenic route” to articulate a plot, however, keeping it simple yet descriptive ensures that my readers stay on course. Music/Binge-worthy TV. A little background noise doesn’t hurt the process. Dead silence can sometimes be distracting for me. I need to get into a zone and music/TV does just that. My playlist places me in a mood to write out a scene. For example, if the part is based around romance; 90’s R&B sets the scene to put that tone on paper giving a true interaction between the characters. I have to be honest if it’s a good song I do tend to get lost in the music but a little break to enjoy a throwback jam doesn’t completely throw me off course.  If I’m not listening to the music playlists, I’m watching binge-worthy TV. It can’t be a new episode or a new movie because I’ll become invested. However, old episodes of Sex and the City gives me the perfect inspiration to create a narrative that readers will enjoy. Television is like moving books acted out in front of our eyes. I like to study body language during quick moments of silence. Those gestures are just as important as the dialogue. This is helpful to explain reactions, creating a dynamic between characters. Cocktail. Who doesn’t love a good beverage to take the edge off? I usually write late at night. During the day I’m so amped with running errands, working, planning, creating, etc., etc., etc. At night, I’m winding down to start the next phase of work, which is writing. And a nice libation settles me and the mood of the evening dedicated to writing.  Depending on the mood, evening, and whatever I have available, is a nice enhancement for good writing vibes. Although I can’t indulge too much because I need to stay on course. Moderation is key! Creative space. Luckily, I live alone. So, it’s convenient for me to find a space to sit and create. Even then, some places in my home can be a bit distracting. I turned my living room into my own creative haven. My writing desk sits by the window so that I can feed off the lights of the night. Simple yet motivated decorum surrounds me and I’m able to write with ease; developing chapters of the stories I want to tell.  A creative space is important to writers. A concentrative mind feeds off of peace and a unique utopia of one’s personal styling. However, I’ve even been able to find time to write in others places like on a flight. But that’s where my mood music kicks in and helps set the tone of what I want to put on paper. In a perfect world, all of these essentials at once would create the perfect environment to lay it all out on the chrome book. But at least two out of four works for me. What are your must-haves for writing or your creative work?  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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 Inspired by the book, Devastation or Destiny??? (The Settled Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  Women are charged to “take whatever they can get” because of the myth that there’s not a lot of good men out there. That myth is FALSE! But what is true is that more than often, the good men aren’t paired with good women. Recipe for disaster in the end. However, not all relationships end because of infidelity and mind games. Some matches aren’t simply compatible with each other, and that’s okay. Whether its lifestyle choices, goals, and different views on how relationships operate, if it won’t fit in the long run, its best to know up front. But…there’s always that question of What if…? “He fits my heart, but doesn’t fit my life…” Scenario: You meet a guy, he says the right things, takes you on the perfect dates, engages in the most substance filled conversations. And on the other hand, he’s not into traveling, a strict homebody, and has traditional views on a woman’s place in the world. Now, if you love this, he’s the guy for you. What if you meet this type of guy and you’re the total opposite? You crave the adventure; you travel a lot for work; and is adapted to a more modernized version of women in the world. How do you continue the relationship without losing yourself? Do you let it go without feeling the pressure of living the rest of your life alone? Is there even room for compromise? A similar scenario was outlined in a few episodes of Girlfriends. Darnell was a good, hard-working man but he was happy where he was. Mya, on the other hand, was introduced to a different type of life which consisted of her going back to school to enhance her career, shopping at more expensive places, and living in another area (just to name a few). Overtime, influenced by her circle, she grew into being the opposite of him. Granted they’d been together since their teenage years. This ultimately resulted in the demise of their marriage. Now, the silver lining was that after a few years, they found their way back to each other.  Image Source: Everett Collection As we all know, life isn’t a sitcom, and these days, when it’s over, it over! Communication extends to adamantly demanding what you want/what you don’t want, forgetting about the potential growth of love, then moving on to the next. Which is not always a bad thing. Verbalizing your wants and needs out of life is a great way to prevent wasting time. However, some may always think about the road not taken. I’ve had this fear of my own. Thinking I’d wake up one day in a great relationship yet unhappy because I’ve compromised way too much of myself to be in love. It appears that certain types of women have to choose between love and lifestyle. Why is that so? Why is it difficult to simply find your equal? Is there an unspoken choice to make between loving yourself and loving another? “Maybe if I stick around, the tradeoff won’t be that bad…” In the book Devastation or Destiny???, Tanya didn’t leave after knowing that Kenneth was a “Traditional Man” while she preferred more adventure in her life. The love was way too great to let go. But was it really love or a sense of a controlling nature to mold her into his perfect idea of a woman? She found herself constantly contemplating and questioning whether or not her decision to live in a place where she didn’t want to call home. Along with him wanting to change her outlook on what married life should look like. All of this eventually resulted in the “Devastation”. The regret, heartbreak, and time invested into the relationship could have been avoided by her not giving in to his “rules”. Though in her eyes, the end of their love would yield greater pain compare to giving up the life she wanted. Over time, some relationships have evolved and both partners were able to grow together. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world and often adults are stuck in their ways and a few of the aforementioned items are non-negotiable. The great dates, conversations, and time-spent are distant memories and someone is thrown back to the drawing board. No matter the choices made, the great thing about life, it’ll always work out for your benefit. Just keep living and loving yourself unapologetically.  Comment your thoughts below, and find out how “The Settled Heart” heals in the emotional romance story, “Devastation or Destiny???” Available NOW!   The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Walking away because it’s the right thing to do or staying with a forbidden love that feels so right. Blog inspired by the book, The Perfect Sin (The Selfish Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  When I was young, I learned that forbidden actions yield bad consequences. As I grew older, I found through experience that although doing wrong…is wrong; it could give great pleasure in certain circumstances. Whether or not that pleasure lasted, depended on the situation. But looking back on certain decisions, I can honestly say: “It wasn’t all bad.” When dealing with the matters of the heart, loving someone who may seem like that “wrong person” but right in your heart can result in conflicted feelings.  How can something that feels so good, causes you to hide it from the world? On paper, it's all bad. He can’t be touched, it isn’t right. He belongs to someone else. Why won’t he just leave if he’s unhappy, then focus on building with you? That would be easy, but when you fall fast and hard, it can be impossible to abruptly stop. Then there’s the million-dollar question of, Will he do that to you one day? In your mind, you have all the right answers… …but in your heart, it’s the fire that keeps it pumping. The touch that makes you come alive, and happiness one would never think of gaining. You know it’s real, but you’re afraid to tell anyone because in moral terms it's wrong to be in his company. So, it has to stay in secret. You’re in love and you want to shout it to the world, but there will be loads of backlash and judgment will be ready to come your way. Feeling this way doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but it’ll be hard to shake that reputation with your good acts moving forward. You’re living in it daily; toggling with what’s morally right and wrong. All the while fighting the urge to simply stay away. What kind of love is this? It’s a selfish love with the unintentional pain pushed onto an innocent party. It turns into Love and War. A war that may end in a heart casualty. Knowing that someone is at risk of being alone and heartbroken should be enough to walk away. But why deprive your own heart just to please someone you don’t even know? A few may say the right thing should be done out of respect, besides, because karma knows all of our addresses. But when happiness and real love are involved, those instances are moved further away from your mind; killing the moral fibers. The heart is released and a great love affair commences. You soon give in, understanding that you too, deserve the romantic love.  Is There A Cure? The cure for the entanglement of whether to go with your heart or your mind isn’t always easy. It’s a big risk as in either case, you could end up alone. The karma may come causing a massive heartbreak OR you walk away knowing you’ve done the right thing but spending lonely nights wondering what could have been. Unpopular Opinion These thoughts are honest and vulnerable. As irresponsible as they may sound, people deal with these mental conflicts more often than they’d like to admit. It's best to find a safe space to sort out these feelings and make the best decision for yourself. You don’t want to look back and regret going down an unknown road that leads to pain. How to deal? It's up to you. This is a non-judgment zone.  The Selfish Heart In the book, The Perfect Sin, Jennifer is faced with a conundrum. Meeting the man of her dreams who just happens to be attached. All of the good ones are. However, she finds that the love she has for him is equally reciprocated. Falling in love with an “untouchable” man can be quite costly. And throughout the story, she’s faced with the price and the questions of if it’s worth the “sin”. About The Perfect Sin Jennifer's life was on the brink of gaining full control in all areas until a series of losses, (job, livelihood, love, independence) threw her into a downward spiral. Climbing her way back up, she meets "him". Darren appears to have his eye on career and family only, but Jennifer wants his focus on her. It was innocent in the beginning, but a sinister force draws her to a man that is not available. He doesn't resist, equally giving into the force, slowly pulling them into a love that was not supposed to happen.  Dive into the SIN with the latest release from the Heartbreak Diaries Series. Preview the book The Perfect Sin HERE!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Great things are happening for my writing and the Heartbreak Diaries. Here's a few new updates highlighting me as an author and the series!!   Married to My Writing Podcast Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to the ladies of "Married to My Writing Podcast". This interview focused on my writing inspirations, what keeps me going, and my series the Heartbreak Diaries! About the Episode. Jack of All Trades with Alexcina Brown Alexcina aka The Blakk Dahlia does many things, but one thing that hasn’t taken a back seat is her love of story telling. Despite the number of things she has her hand in, time for writing is always carved out. She shares how relationships turn into books and dreams turn into reality. Listen Now on: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Listen Notes | Google Podcasts  Wrong Vengeance Book of the Month, Rookery Book Club GOOD NEWS: My second book “Wrong Vengeance” was chosen for Book of the Month by Rookery Book Club for the month of July! from Rookery Book Club: It is with great pleasure that I introduce to you a personal selection for July’s BOTM: WRONG VENGEANCE by my dear friend, The Blakk Dahlia (@blakkdahliawrites). This is the 2nd entry to the Heartbreak Diaries series. RBC remains committed today and everyday to highlighting the accomplishments of independent writers and bookstores, and the writing community. Now, let’s get into it while the tea is hot 😈 Follow NOW on Instagram @rookerybookclub!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  A healthy conversation inspired by the book, “Rushing to Distraction” (The Foolish Heart) HIM: “She knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” HER: “He knew I wanted to be with him and kept treating me like his girlfriend.”  Dating is tough. In current times, the “getting to know you” phase has turned into “Hey, let’s pretend we’re in a relationship…but you can’t claim me though”. Things move way too fast, resulting in developed feelings that are often hurt because nothing progresses. Girlfriend/boyfriend benefits are given without merit, while in the end…somebody will come to the conclusion that they aren’t ready. In most cases, it’s the man who initiates the conversations of “I’m not ready for what you want.” OR “It takes time for me to get there.” When spoken with genuine intentions, there’s nothing wrong with expressing the need to slow down on the emotion train. However, why would she play a role for weeks or months with no return on the investment? And his excuse, “She knew what it was.” But if we break this down logically, HE KNEW as well. Disclaimer: This blog isn’t to bash the male species. Just giving facts to induce healthy conversations. You don’t have to agree, but just know that WE ALL should pay attention to hints and red flags. Now that’s out of the way, let’s approach this one from a woman’s perspective, shall we?  Her Red Flags In today’s culture, women are charged with the responsibility of knowing the signs; recognizing red flags. What we’ve forgotten is that women can give off red flags too.
Instead of taking these as a warning sign, men tend to pick up on these vibes and use them to their advantage. Because at the end of the day, “I told her I didn’t want a relationship.” Well, she said that she wanted one. Shouldn’t he share the blame when sh*t hits the fan? To be fair, no woman should give her all when she’s not receiving what she deserves and desires. So, let’s not use this as an excuse to be foolish ladies. However, you’re not 100% responsible for allowing things to go too far. Because “He knew what it was, too!”  How Was She Supposed to Know? Yes, women tend to get ahead of themselves. Mentally planning an extravagant relationship after a few dates. Hearing what she wants to hear…the list can go on. But while he’s treating her like a girlfriend AND expecting boyfriend benefits, is she wrong for feeling like a relationship was on the horizon? He pursued her, he opened up to her, all of his time outside of work and with friends was spent with her, he expected intimacy (SEX), he did romantic things, called her pet names like “babe”, “sweetie”. But at the end of the day, that’s all it was and having a friend was satisfying to him. So, while he’s taking the memories as just that and moves on, she’s stuck with feelings that she didn’t ask for in the first place. In these scenarios, people would say, “Well he DID tell you he wasn’t ready.” Yes, it’s best to listen to the truths spoken. However, the actions didn’t align with what he “didn’t want”. Aren’t we supposed to pay attention to one’s actions versus their words?  Why Lie? How many times have we heard, “Men will say anything to get what they want.” ‘Tis true but why? Why lie just to get what you want out of a person? There are plenty of women who want a “no strings attached” type of relationship. But for some reason, hopeless romantics tend to end up with the guy who just isn’t ready. Lies can destroy everything. In many cases, women are lied to, to keep the facade going. Being that lies have to be told, shows that the man understands she wants to be with him, however, he had no plans on doing the same. So, subconsciously he saw the red flags, right? But he’s having such a great time that he’s not ready for it to end. (Yea, yea I know, women lie too!). Major Key: If you need to lie to get what you want you know you’re doing wrong. Just Leave Her the Hell Alone! “You know I was fine before you came into my life, right?” The chase. Oh, how we LOVE the chase! To women, it’s a sign of “Oh my God, this is it!”. To men, just another conquest to feed the male ego.  “Good morning beautiful” texts, communicating on the regular, almost begging to spend time with her. But that’s just the beginning actions. They don’t last, they tend to fizzle over time. In many cases, when she begins to return the gestures, emotions, and feelings, he backs away because he’s not ready. For some reason, once she’s into him, he realizes “Oops, I don’t want a relationship”. But she knew what it was. Wait…did he not know where things were headed? Why pull out when things are looking to get serious? Should have just left her alone in the first place.  I’m Sorry?!?! At the end of it all, there’s THE CONVERSATION. Women disguise it as closure but deep down, she’s trying one last time to convince him of her devotion. “Hopefully he’ll see how much I’m invested in this and he’ll change”. WRONG! I don’t even know why men engage in the ending conversation because all they have to offer is an "I’m sorry”. Initially, she doesn’t want to hear, “I’m sorry”. Those words aren’t satisfactory when her heart and hopes are crushed. Her time was wasted, she told and showed him what she wanted. “I’m sorry” doesn’t get that time back nor erase the feelings. “I’m sorry” doesn’t heal the pain of him knowing in the first place that he didn’t want to be with her but kept stringing her along.
 In each case, everyone should approach dating with honesty, realistic expectations, accountability, and respect. And most importantly, take your time. You don’t have to rush into the actions of relationship matters. Enjoy dating! To dive more into this concept, check out the book, Rushing to Distraction (The Foolish Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series.  What are your thoughts? Whether you agree or disagree, let’s have a healthy conversation!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. |
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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