 Walking away because it’s the right thing to do or staying with a forbidden love that feels so right. Blog inspired by the book, The Perfect Sin (The Selfish Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  When I was young, I learned that forbidden actions yield bad consequences. As I grew older, I found through experience that although doing wrong…is wrong; it could give great pleasure in certain circumstances. Whether or not that pleasure lasted, depended on the situation. But looking back on certain decisions, I can honestly say: “It wasn’t all bad.” When dealing with the matters of the heart, loving someone who may seem like that “wrong person” but right in your heart can result in conflicted feelings.  How can something that feels so good, causes you to hide it from the world? On paper, it's all bad. He can’t be touched, it isn’t right. He belongs to someone else. Why won’t he just leave if he’s unhappy, then focus on building with you? That would be easy, but when you fall fast and hard, it can be impossible to abruptly stop. Then there’s the million-dollar question of, Will he do that to you one day? In your mind, you have all the right answers… …but in your heart, it’s the fire that keeps it pumping. The touch that makes you come alive, and happiness one would never think of gaining. You know it’s real, but you’re afraid to tell anyone because in moral terms it's wrong to be in his company. So, it has to stay in secret. You’re in love and you want to shout it to the world, but there will be loads of backlash and judgment will be ready to come your way. Feeling this way doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but it’ll be hard to shake that reputation with your good acts moving forward. You’re living in it daily; toggling with what’s morally right and wrong. All the while fighting the urge to simply stay away. What kind of love is this? It’s a selfish love with the unintentional pain pushed onto an innocent party. It turns into Love and War. A war that may end in a heart casualty. Knowing that someone is at risk of being alone and heartbroken should be enough to walk away. But why deprive your own heart just to please someone you don’t even know? A few may say the right thing should be done out of respect, besides, because karma knows all of our addresses. But when happiness and real love are involved, those instances are moved further away from your mind; killing the moral fibers. The heart is released and a great love affair commences. You soon give in, understanding that you too, deserve the romantic love.  Is There A Cure? The cure for the entanglement of whether to go with your heart or your mind isn’t always easy. It’s a big risk as in either case, you could end up alone. The karma may come causing a massive heartbreak OR you walk away knowing you’ve done the right thing but spending lonely nights wondering what could have been. Unpopular Opinion These thoughts are honest and vulnerable. As irresponsible as they may sound, people deal with these mental conflicts more often than they’d like to admit. It's best to find a safe space to sort out these feelings and make the best decision for yourself. You don’t want to look back and regret going down an unknown road that leads to pain. How to deal? It's up to you. This is a non-judgment zone.  The Selfish Heart In the book, The Perfect Sin, Jennifer is faced with a conundrum. Meeting the man of her dreams who just happens to be attached. All of the good ones are. However, she finds that the love she has for him is equally reciprocated. Falling in love with an “untouchable” man can be quite costly. And throughout the story, she’s faced with the price and the questions of if it’s worth the “sin”. About The Perfect Sin Jennifer's life was on the brink of gaining full control in all areas until a series of losses, (job, livelihood, love, independence) threw her into a downward spiral. Climbing her way back up, she meets "him". Darren appears to have his eye on career and family only, but Jennifer wants his focus on her. It was innocent in the beginning, but a sinister force draws her to a man that is not available. He doesn't resist, equally giving into the force, slowly pulling them into a love that was not supposed to happen.  Dive into the SIN with the latest release from the Heartbreak Diaries Series. Preview the book The Perfect Sin HERE!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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 Great things are happening for my writing and the Heartbreak Diaries. Here's a few new updates highlighting me as an author and the series!!   Married to My Writing Podcast Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to the ladies of "Married to My Writing Podcast". This interview focused on my writing inspirations, what keeps me going, and my series the Heartbreak Diaries! About the Episode. Jack of All Trades with Alexcina Brown Alexcina aka The Blakk Dahlia does many things, but one thing that hasn’t taken a back seat is her love of story telling. Despite the number of things she has her hand in, time for writing is always carved out. She shares how relationships turn into books and dreams turn into reality. Listen Now on: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Listen Notes | Google Podcasts  Wrong Vengeance Book of the Month, Rookery Book Club GOOD NEWS: My second book “Wrong Vengeance” was chosen for Book of the Month by Rookery Book Club for the month of July! from Rookery Book Club: It is with great pleasure that I introduce to you a personal selection for July’s BOTM: WRONG VENGEANCE by my dear friend, The Blakk Dahlia (@blakkdahliawrites). This is the 2nd entry to the Heartbreak Diaries series. RBC remains committed today and everyday to highlighting the accomplishments of independent writers and bookstores, and the writing community. Now, let’s get into it while the tea is hot 😈 Follow NOW on Instagram @rookerybookclub!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  A healthy conversation inspired by the book, “Rushing to Distraction” (The Foolish Heart) HIM: “She knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” HER: “He knew I wanted to be with him and kept treating me like his girlfriend.”  Dating is tough. In current times, the “getting to know you” phase has turned into “Hey, let’s pretend we’re in a relationship…but you can’t claim me though”. Things move way too fast, resulting in developed feelings that are often hurt because nothing progresses. Girlfriend/boyfriend benefits are given without merit, while in the end…somebody will come to the conclusion that they aren’t ready. In most cases, it’s the man who initiates the conversations of “I’m not ready for what you want.” OR “It takes time for me to get there.” When spoken with genuine intentions, there’s nothing wrong with expressing the need to slow down on the emotion train. However, why would she play a role for weeks or months with no return on the investment? And his excuse, “She knew what it was.” But if we break this down logically, HE KNEW as well. Disclaimer: This blog isn’t to bash the male species. Just giving facts to induce healthy conversations. You don’t have to agree, but just know that WE ALL should pay attention to hints and red flags. Now that’s out of the way, let’s approach this one from a woman’s perspective, shall we?  Her Red Flags In today’s culture, women are charged with the responsibility of knowing the signs; recognizing red flags. What we’ve forgotten is that women can give off red flags too.
Instead of taking these as a warning sign, men tend to pick up on these vibes and use them to their advantage. Because at the end of the day, “I told her I didn’t want a relationship.” Well, she said that she wanted one. Shouldn’t he share the blame when sh*t hits the fan? To be fair, no woman should give her all when she’s not receiving what she deserves and desires. So, let’s not use this as an excuse to be foolish ladies. However, you’re not 100% responsible for allowing things to go too far. Because “He knew what it was, too!”  How Was She Supposed to Know? Yes, women tend to get ahead of themselves. Mentally planning an extravagant relationship after a few dates. Hearing what she wants to hear…the list can go on. But while he’s treating her like a girlfriend AND expecting boyfriend benefits, is she wrong for feeling like a relationship was on the horizon? He pursued her, he opened up to her, all of his time outside of work and with friends was spent with her, he expected intimacy (SEX), he did romantic things, called her pet names like “babe”, “sweetie”. But at the end of the day, that’s all it was and having a friend was satisfying to him. So, while he’s taking the memories as just that and moves on, she’s stuck with feelings that she didn’t ask for in the first place. In these scenarios, people would say, “Well he DID tell you he wasn’t ready.” Yes, it’s best to listen to the truths spoken. However, the actions didn’t align with what he “didn’t want”. Aren’t we supposed to pay attention to one’s actions versus their words?  Why Lie? How many times have we heard, “Men will say anything to get what they want.” ‘Tis true but why? Why lie just to get what you want out of a person? There are plenty of women who want a “no strings attached” type of relationship. But for some reason, hopeless romantics tend to end up with the guy who just isn’t ready. Lies can destroy everything. In many cases, women are lied to, to keep the facade going. Being that lies have to be told, shows that the man understands she wants to be with him, however, he had no plans on doing the same. So, subconsciously he saw the red flags, right? But he’s having such a great time that he’s not ready for it to end. (Yea, yea I know, women lie too!). Major Key: If you need to lie to get what you want you know you’re doing wrong. Just Leave Her the Hell Alone! “You know I was fine before you came into my life, right?” The chase. Oh, how we LOVE the chase! To women, it’s a sign of “Oh my God, this is it!”. To men, just another conquest to feed the male ego.  “Good morning beautiful” texts, communicating on the regular, almost begging to spend time with her. But that’s just the beginning actions. They don’t last, they tend to fizzle over time. In many cases, when she begins to return the gestures, emotions, and feelings, he backs away because he’s not ready. For some reason, once she’s into him, he realizes “Oops, I don’t want a relationship”. But she knew what it was. Wait…did he not know where things were headed? Why pull out when things are looking to get serious? Should have just left her alone in the first place.  I’m Sorry?!?! At the end of it all, there’s THE CONVERSATION. Women disguise it as closure but deep down, she’s trying one last time to convince him of her devotion. “Hopefully he’ll see how much I’m invested in this and he’ll change”. WRONG! I don’t even know why men engage in the ending conversation because all they have to offer is an "I’m sorry”. Initially, she doesn’t want to hear, “I’m sorry”. Those words aren’t satisfactory when her heart and hopes are crushed. Her time was wasted, she told and showed him what she wanted. “I’m sorry” doesn’t get that time back nor erase the feelings. “I’m sorry” doesn’t heal the pain of him knowing in the first place that he didn’t want to be with her but kept stringing her along.
 In each case, everyone should approach dating with honesty, realistic expectations, accountability, and respect. And most importantly, take your time. You don’t have to rush into the actions of relationship matters. Enjoy dating! To dive more into this concept, check out the book, Rushing to Distraction (The Foolish Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series.  What are your thoughts? Whether you agree or disagree, let’s have a healthy conversation!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. Important details I didn’t think about until the night before I published my book  I always had my sight publishing books and showcasing my creative work to the world. However, at a younger age, I just knew a book deal was going to come my way. I know how to write so it’s easy right? WRONG? As I grew older, I realized the constant work, rejection, restrictions, and obstacles that come along with writing and publishing under a company. I then asked myself: Why do I have to wait on the chance to become a published author when the digital era has created a way for me to give myself that chance? Don’t get me wrong, if the opportunity presents itself GO FOR IT! However, I wanted the freedom to begin publishing my work on my terms. Also, show authenticity in displaying growth in my work, while my audience grows with me. In learning these lessons of being a self-published author, I thought I’d share the wealth. Some tips you may already know and others you probably wouldn’t think about until it’s time to click the button, PUBLISH. Ready? Here we go!  #1 Remember: You’re on Your Own The main reason it’s called being a “self-published” author is that you’re doing EVERYTHING by yourself. Of course, there are freelancers, companies, and professionals who can assist with editing, book cover artwork, promotions, etc. (Take advantage of their services when possible) But there is no publishing company guiding you along the way. That in itself is overwhelming. Just thinking of the laundry list of “Things to Do” to write and prepare your book for publishing can send anyone running for the hills. Don’t let that discourage you. There are blogs, articles, and indie author resources available that can aid in each step of the self-publishing journey. (This blog is one of them.) READ THEM, jot down notes and create an outline of what you need from start to finish. Learning things along the way is normal, however, being prepared will help you stay on task prevent you from having to push your release back another month.  #2 Book Logistics You’ve written your book, made the necessary changes from the editing process, now you’re ready to go. Nope, you’re not. Book logistics are what I like to call the information printed on what is called a copyright page. The copyright page is where your reader will find out who owns the written work. This information serves to protect you legally, format your book professionally, provide details of the unique identifiers of your book (i.e. ISBN), and provide the book’s credits and/or edition (if included in a series). It is also a best practice to provide a disclaimer: Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Whether you’re publishing non-fiction, fiction, or a memoir; the disclaimer sets the tone for the style of the book. It also protects you from any liability that may arise if you’re writing about people, events, and/or a specialty (even if you’re not a professional in that field). Disclaimer: The Book Designer outlined great disclaimer options to use as examples in their 2010 blog, "6 Copyright Page Disclaimers to Copy and Paste, and Giving Credit". Copyright Page Example: This is a work of fiction, although experiences are based on some true events of the author. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental. Cover Copyright © 2019 by E. Alexcina Brown Cover design by Fearless Vision Marketing DEVASTATION OR DESTINY??? the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series. July 4, 2019. ISBN: 978-1075304767. Copyright © 2019 The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown). Written by The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown). Published by The Blakk Dahlia 2019. #3 Pre-Order Deadlines Oh, how we love to procrastinate. As a self-published author, we enjoy the freedom of creating and adhering to our own deadlines. However, when submitting your book to sell online, PLEASE make sure your manuscript is ready to go when it’s time to upload. Retailers like Amazon, allow you to set up your book by creating the description, choosing categories, upload book cover and more without uploading the manuscript. That way you’re able to have your book page available for interested parties to pre-order.  Take heed to the date given to have your FINAL manuscript ready and available. This is important because those who have pre-ordered your book will automatically receive it on their kindle device on the release date. Whatever is uploaded will be sent to your customer. Make sure your best and final product is delivered to their device to enjoy! The great thing about this is that Amazon Kindle will send you reminder emails to give a heads up on the last date and time to upload. TIP: Research pre-order deadlines on your desired platform 2 to 3 months before the release date. This also helps in gaining momentum on your promotions and lock in early sales.  #4 Book Formatting Technically my first published work was an e-guide “7-Day Guide to Forget About Your Heartbreak”. This process was easy as it was created on one platform, Canva, downloaded via PDF and uploaded to each medium to distribute. However, formatting an ebook and a novel are two different things. What we tend to forget is that we have to manually format the documents in preparing the margins, gutter, bleed, paper size, etc. That isn’t automatically done because as we all know books can be published in various sizes. Luckily our friends at Amazon provide downloadable templates for various book sizes to cut/paste your manuscript OR just review the layout and input it within your document (my fav so that I don’t have to reformat the book text). In addition, other platforms (i.e. Draft2Digital) provides you with guidelines and tips on how to format your book so that your chapters are distinguished, for example.  Publishing my first book was definitely a learning process. Along with publishing my second and third books. In my case, the fourth time was the charm! Hopefully, these tidbits will help you create a process that will be smooth sailing in self-publishing your book(s). Self-published authors & aspiring authors share what you’ve learned or are currently learning in the comments below! The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. Do You Stay Where You Are...Or Take a Risk to Try Again? Book Chat for the book, Devastation or Destiny???  The Gamble It's a crapshoot, in leaving "all you know" to venture out into the "unknown". In love, it's no different. Those who have left long-term relationships (for whatever reason) have jumped back into the dating world, only to find that they could have kept what they had. But, in a good moment, being in the right place at the right time, the Universe sprinkles that spark down on you placing you in fates hands. In the end, these moments reveal exactly why things didn't work out in the comfort zone of your heart. Have You Ever Settled for Love out of Fear? Everyone wants to love and to be in love. So much that they’ve accepted lowered standards or a life in which they didn’t desire, just to have that. In some cases, they live happily ever after. Although, there’s always that itch for something more, or what’s on the other side of that fear. We should never take “whatever” that is handed to us, due to the fear of being alone. The mind isn’t operating out a sense of self-awareness. It's in survival mode. And once in survival mode, you’ll do anything to hold on to that love. Even if it means a daily compromise of yourself with nothing in return.  In Devastation or Destiny???, Tanya was faced with a BIG curveball which led to the demise of her relationship. One that she felt would last forever. In losing something so major, piled on top of the pain, humiliation, and lowered self-esteem; she was faced with an opportunity to start over. Then, the opportunity to go back to the comfort zone presents itself leaving her with the decision of, “What life do I choose? The one I want, OR the one in which I know how the story will end.”  About Devastation or Destiny??? (The Settled Heart) Tanya found her happy ending, but it wasn’t the one she wrote. A lover of adventure and exploration found the heart of a hard-working traditional man. Kenneth is unwilling to take on her dreams, however, he gives the greatest love with no reservations. As their wedding day approaches, she finds herself thinking of what could have been. Did I give up on what I REALLY wanted too soon? Fearing that she’ll miss out on a chance of true love, Tanya gives in. But, the deep yearnings never end. The universe hears the inner cries of the life she wanted, as she prepares to take on a new life with Kenneth. Life eventually gives her want she truly wants but with a cost…Devastation! Thrown into dismay, Tanya finds herself starting over. Will the devastation be worth it? Or should she have been grateful for the “once in a lifetime love”? The third “diary entry” from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series is Available NOW!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  |
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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