 Staying grounded in the final stretch.Summer is rolling on out. Even the sun the starting to leave us a little early in the evening. ‘Twas a fun and eventful one…but not without chaos and nerve-racking twists and turns that may have thrown us off course. In times like these, performing grounding techniques to keep us in the here and now. If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. ― Lao Tzu Try these grounding techniques to relieve fear and anxiety as we finish this year strong! Breathe. Take a few minutes to breathe. Deep inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Pausing for a moment to breathe helps in slowing down the mind and body. Positive Affirmations. Positivity is key. So cliché’, however, your mindsets the tone for how you will handle your days. Filling it with affirmations reminds us of who we are and what we’re capable of. Flushing out the bad thoughts brings clarity to many situations, giving time and energy to resolving and/or coping with whatever is right in front of us.
Laugh. Laughter cures more than we know. A small chuckle or a big guffaw can relax the; muscles relieving the tension and stress that is festering in your body. Go look at that funny video that brings a big smile to your face or a meme on social that puts a humorous spin on the current event. If your current situation isn’t a laughing matter, replace it with a few seconds of an entertaining distraction. There’s nothing we can do about what’s out of our control. Worrying won’t solve it. Reliving won’t solve it. Staying still and focusing on what’s presently is around us allows time to enjoy the present without the clutter of What to do…What I should have done.  How Do You Stay Grounded? Share your techniques in the comments!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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 Although things are different, the world is trying to get back to normal. But do we want it? Or can we create a “New Normal” taking in the lessons from the past year? I choose the latter. With a new season upon us, I refuse to go back to the old. I don’t even want to think about the old habits, yielding zero positive results. Sometimes we do things just because, that’s how it is. I’m charging myself to take in this new season with a new outlook and creating new habits.  More Meditation. Sit down and breathe out the anxiety. I’m excited about the Summer, but that doesn’t erase the anxious feelings carrying over from previous seasons. Meditating more throughout the day (or at least once a day) is sure to help keep me grounded in the Now. Anxiety builds the fear of what might or never will happen. It takes me away from the current moments where I can live in and enjoy. Sitting down back in 2020 gave me time to breathe and think of more positivity to drown out the negative. Slowing down from a busy life will allow you to gain so much clarity and it's much needed.  Better Experiences. We can travel now! Events are popping up left and right! How can I experience these amazing things in a better way? For starters, I could just go! Before, I’d sit and wait; thinking about something important coming up like a life event, bills, or me just not feeling it. But this time around, I’m taking it all in and making time to visit and experience events like never before. I hate looking at Instagram experiencing extreme FOMO because I didn’t make it happen.  Saying ‘No’ More Often. Whether work or leisure, being a yes person wears me out. I do it to take care of other’s feelings, all the while doing a major disservice to myself. Saying no and meaning it unapologetically takes care of my peace. Something as simple as not doing what I don’t want to do, or having the time to do at the moment. Those who understand, will…those who don’t can find someone else to do it OR wait for it! Self-Care times 1000. The self-care kickstarted way before the pandemic, but now it’s time to take it up a notch. With offices reopening and NYC MTA getting back in order, I’ll definitely need a lot more “me time”. This calls for putting on my calendar and signing off from EVERYTHING for some self-care. Before it was sporadic. I’d do it on a Sunday here and there, or wait for the idea to come. This HAS to become a habit for me to keep the anxiety levels low and remain sane. Just because everyone else is up in arms doesn’t mean that I have to join in.  The heat moving in for a few months doesn’t mean I have to have a Cruel Summer. This can be the best Summer yet, only if I keep my head together and allowing the good times to flow. What are your plans for the Summer?  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. Tools my writing life can’t live without  Writing is so important to me. It’s yet another creative outlet to express myself and share authentic thoughts; with a sprinkle of imagination. Although writing may appear easy, sitting down with a notepad or computer; it’s not as simple for true creators. For me, there are “must-haves” that allow me to work freely without distractions along with providing the inspiration to get thoughts down on paper (or on the screen). With this, I’d love to share my list of essentials for writing. These elements help me to create within my own world. It’s all about relaxing, forgetting about the day’s mishaps and strenuous tasks, to…just write.  Thesaurus. With everything I write, I seek elevation. Often, I find myself saying the same things the same way. There’s no growth in that. So, my “handy-dandy” thesaurus helps me to express emotions and actions which A. upgrades my personal vocabulary and B. levels up my work. It also helps in the editing process so that my words don’t sound redundant and long-winded. As writers we tend to make the mistake of taking the “scenic route” to articulate a plot, however, keeping it simple yet descriptive ensures that my readers stay on course. Music/Binge-worthy TV. A little background noise doesn’t hurt the process. Dead silence can sometimes be distracting for me. I need to get into a zone and music/TV does just that. My playlist places me in a mood to write out a scene. For example, if the part is based around romance; 90’s R&B sets the scene to put that tone on paper giving a true interaction between the characters. I have to be honest if it’s a good song I do tend to get lost in the music but a little break to enjoy a throwback jam doesn’t completely throw me off course.  If I’m not listening to the music playlists, I’m watching binge-worthy TV. It can’t be a new episode or a new movie because I’ll become invested. However, old episodes of Sex and the City gives me the perfect inspiration to create a narrative that readers will enjoy. Television is like moving books acted out in front of our eyes. I like to study body language during quick moments of silence. Those gestures are just as important as the dialogue. This is helpful to explain reactions, creating a dynamic between characters. Cocktail. Who doesn’t love a good beverage to take the edge off? I usually write late at night. During the day I’m so amped with running errands, working, planning, creating, etc., etc., etc. At night, I’m winding down to start the next phase of work, which is writing. And a nice libation settles me and the mood of the evening dedicated to writing.  Depending on the mood, evening, and whatever I have available, is a nice enhancement for good writing vibes. Although I can’t indulge too much because I need to stay on course. Moderation is key! Creative space. Luckily, I live alone. So, it’s convenient for me to find a space to sit and create. Even then, some places in my home can be a bit distracting. I turned my living room into my own creative haven. My writing desk sits by the window so that I can feed off the lights of the night. Simple yet motivated decorum surrounds me and I’m able to write with ease; developing chapters of the stories I want to tell.  A creative space is important to writers. A concentrative mind feeds off of peace and a unique utopia of one’s personal styling. However, I’ve even been able to find time to write in others places like on a flight. But that’s where my mood music kicks in and helps set the tone of what I want to put on paper. In a perfect world, all of these essentials at once would create the perfect environment to lay it all out on the chrome book. But at least two out of four works for me. What are your must-haves for writing or your creative work?  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  Inspired by the book, Devastation or Destiny??? (The Settled Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Series  Women are charged to “take whatever they can get” because of the myth that there’s not a lot of good men out there. That myth is FALSE! But what is true is that more than often, the good men aren’t paired with good women. Recipe for disaster in the end. However, not all relationships end because of infidelity and mind games. Some matches aren’t simply compatible with each other, and that’s okay. Whether its lifestyle choices, goals, and different views on how relationships operate, if it won’t fit in the long run, its best to know up front. But…there’s always that question of What if…? “He fits my heart, but doesn’t fit my life…” Scenario: You meet a guy, he says the right things, takes you on the perfect dates, engages in the most substance filled conversations. And on the other hand, he’s not into traveling, a strict homebody, and has traditional views on a woman’s place in the world. Now, if you love this, he’s the guy for you. What if you meet this type of guy and you’re the total opposite? You crave the adventure; you travel a lot for work; and is adapted to a more modernized version of women in the world. How do you continue the relationship without losing yourself? Do you let it go without feeling the pressure of living the rest of your life alone? Is there even room for compromise? A similar scenario was outlined in a few episodes of Girlfriends. Darnell was a good, hard-working man but he was happy where he was. Mya, on the other hand, was introduced to a different type of life which consisted of her going back to school to enhance her career, shopping at more expensive places, and living in another area (just to name a few). Overtime, influenced by her circle, she grew into being the opposite of him. Granted they’d been together since their teenage years. This ultimately resulted in the demise of their marriage. Now, the silver lining was that after a few years, they found their way back to each other.  Image Source: Everett Collection As we all know, life isn’t a sitcom, and these days, when it’s over, it over! Communication extends to adamantly demanding what you want/what you don’t want, forgetting about the potential growth of love, then moving on to the next. Which is not always a bad thing. Verbalizing your wants and needs out of life is a great way to prevent wasting time. However, some may always think about the road not taken. I’ve had this fear of my own. Thinking I’d wake up one day in a great relationship yet unhappy because I’ve compromised way too much of myself to be in love. It appears that certain types of women have to choose between love and lifestyle. Why is that so? Why is it difficult to simply find your equal? Is there an unspoken choice to make between loving yourself and loving another? “Maybe if I stick around, the tradeoff won’t be that bad…” In the book Devastation or Destiny???, Tanya didn’t leave after knowing that Kenneth was a “Traditional Man” while she preferred more adventure in her life. The love was way too great to let go. But was it really love or a sense of a controlling nature to mold her into his perfect idea of a woman? She found herself constantly contemplating and questioning whether or not her decision to live in a place where she didn’t want to call home. Along with him wanting to change her outlook on what married life should look like. All of this eventually resulted in the “Devastation”. The regret, heartbreak, and time invested into the relationship could have been avoided by her not giving in to his “rules”. Though in her eyes, the end of their love would yield greater pain compare to giving up the life she wanted. Over time, some relationships have evolved and both partners were able to grow together. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world and often adults are stuck in their ways and a few of the aforementioned items are non-negotiable. The great dates, conversations, and time-spent are distant memories and someone is thrown back to the drawing board. No matter the choices made, the great thing about life, it’ll always work out for your benefit. Just keep living and loving yourself unapologetically.  Comment your thoughts below, and find out how “The Settled Heart” heals in the emotional romance story, “Devastation or Destiny???” Available NOW!   The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. $2 Sale at Goodwill Revived My Love for Jeans  My History with Jeans I’ve had a love/hate relationship with jeans over the years. It’s been quite difficult to find the right style and fit for me. Now, if I were shopping during the 80s, I’d probably find something just right. Now, jeans are cut to fit a variety of women’s sizes. Which is a great thing for the fashion choices for the everyday woman. But, I need my jeans to fit just right too! It had gotten so difficult to where I rotated three pairs of jeans for years. I even cut up old pairs I didn’t wear anymore into shorts and even tried to make my own version of ripped jeans…big FAIL. Growing tired of my denim search coming up empty-handed, I abandoned these garments. To my rescue, the rise of jeggings and stretch pants gave the right fit I wanted along with a variety of styles. Years passed, and I didn’t give those things a second glance.  Bargain Shopper I LOVE a good bargain. Wherever I shop, I’m filtering “Price Low to High” and clicking on Sale tabs. I also have an extension on my browser which helps me to find coupon codes and cashback savings. When I see an item for the original price, I will stalk it online until there’s a good sale. It’s like a sport for me. Continuing my love of bargaining, I frequent my local Goodwill store. There, I find all types of trinkets for the apartment and clothes to add to my closet. From vintage vinyl records to Fall coats. I will spend an entire day until I find what I need.  A Spark Reignited It wasn’t until I started thrifting at my local Goodwill store when I discovered a haven for jeans that were just for me. AND at a bargain. Browsing the isles one day, I decided to give the denim rack a chance. Priced at $9.99, I was confident I’d find something with the “Color of the Day” tag. (For those unfamiliar with shopping at Goodwill, you pick a clothing item that is tagged with the color of the day, automatic 40% off.) To my surprise, there were a great variety of jeans just my size, with the right fit. Now, what’s my “fit”? I’m a skin-tight jean wearer (yea, I’m sure that’s not in the fashion category). The lost love for jeans was hidden throughout those racks. Some with the 40% color tag. And these weren’t generic brands. The racks held jeans from great stores and brands such as Zara, Hollister, Bullhead Denim Co., and Top shop (just to name a few). Who would have thought that my denim fit treasure was within someone else’s “fashion trash”? Thank God they decided to give them away to provide me with a chance to wear jeans again.  An Even Better Surprise Taking a break from a laundry day, I decided to pop into Goodwill while my clothes were in the dryer. The first thing I looked for was the Color of the Day, but this time something different was posted. A $2 sign. Squinting my eyes to make sure I read it right, I imagined in my head what that could mean. It was too good to be true to think if whatever I find with the matching color tag would be $2 once I reach the register. The associate got on the loudspeaker and confirmed the “Too good to be true” luck that I stumbled upon. Rushing to the rack, the haven didn’t disappoint. Jeans, in my size, with the color of the day tag. Not one, not two, but three good pairs (which included a pair of ripped jeans…no more experiments). I also found a Ralph Lauren dress shirt for my nephew. A whopping total of $8 and some change, which would have cost eight to ten times more had I’d gone to the regular stores. It gets better. Thinking that it was a one-time deal for the holidays. I relished in my good finds and brushed it off as one fortunate shopping day. But on another random day, I walked in and found my $2 flyer friend posted on the wall. Since I had more time, I swept the racks for more jeans. Found another four pairs, and two stylish Fall jackets.
Many may find thrifting as getting “hand me downs” which can be a huge “no-no” for some. But thrifting is a relaxing activity that yields cost-effective results. (I live in NYC, even breathing is costly!) And if you’re as lucky as I am, you just might reignite a love of a garment that you swore off years ago. Me and jeans shall never part again.  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. |
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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