Get tips on how to cope with moving on, without getting caught up in the distraction. From the book, Rushing to Distraction (the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series)
A new day. A fresh start to move forward with your life. Although, thoughts of what’s left behind can’t seem to leave you to get the day going. Simple tasks, such as getting out of bed to head to the shower can throw you back into a mental time machine. Travelling to the days when things seemed good. A comfort zone that you were forced out of, usually for your own best interest, is the place where you want to be. Not the present. Instead, you’re missing out on the new blessings the morning can give you. New opportunities to step into a different direction filled with greater things. You know you need to move on, you may even want to move on, but the heart takes over and your stuck in distraction.
So what do you do? How can you deal with the new changes of something as simple as a morning routine?
Accept what is. But how? Make peace with the monkey wrench thrown into your plans. Understand that whatever you’re going through, in the end, it will be okay.
Just Do It.
To take a step into starting over, that’s what you have to do. Take the step. Yes you’ll want to grieve and/or reminisce but those days are over. You have to muster up the strength the shake the feelings of wanting what you once had.
What’s To Come.
Look forward to the unknown. Be happy and grateful with the adventures that lies ahead. You can’t enjoy new chapters, re-reading old ones.
It’s Okay To Feel.
Feelings makes you human. Feel the feelings but don’t get stuck in them. You HAVE to feeling it. Don’t hide behind the mask of “I’m Fine”. If you need to cry, cry it out. If you’re mad, be mad but don’t allow that anger to settle in your spirit. Take deep breaths, breathing out those feelings of regret, hurt, and inhale the ideals of newness.
Don’t Rush to the Distractions: Book excerpt from Rushing to Distraction
“Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, wearing a damp towel, Farrah stares beyond her reflection. She sees beauty, passion, a giving heart, a loving spirit, and inner yearnings for love. Everything he doesn’t see in her. Her mind floods with questions. Did she try enough? Show enough? Give enough? Was SHE enough?”
In “Rushing to Distraction”, Farrah stayed within the feelings of getting distracted by what should have been. In her mind, she settled in the thoughts of what she wanted versus what was standing in front of her. What was in front of her was a man, by the name of Jamie, who refused to give her what she deserved. Instead, Farrah created a facade, making excuses for his inconsistent behavior patterns.
Although he showed himself, Farrah didn’t want to see the truth in the matter, which caused more pain in the end. Leaving her DISTRACTED!
How do you know when to give up? How did Farrah cope with the feelings of wanting what she never had in him?
Find out in the 1st entry of the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series, “Rushing to Distraction” (The Foolish Heart).
About Rushing to Distraction
Rushing to Distraction is the first entry from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series. This story goes deep inside of a heart that ignores the warning signs when potential love shows up. Immersing everything into just getting it to work out.
Farrah is driven, focused, and knows her worth until she runs into Jamie. After a long time of putting love on the back-burner, the guard quickly crumbled over this man's potential. She wasn’t asking for the romantic feelings, however, when they showed up, it was hard to let go.
Jamie knows she's wrapped around his finger; slowly drawing her in with the potential for a great love. For Farrah, her yearn for companionship blinds her to the reality that taking it slow is imperative when getting to know someone. Her goals fell by the wayside, her personal relationships faltered; all because she’s distracted by a possibility.
Will her constant attempts to make him love her fail? Or will he see her sacrifices as admirable and CHOOSE her?
Don't have the book yet? Order your copy today! Available on MULTIPLE eBook platforms. Paperback copies exclusively available on Amazon!
BONUS! Get a sneak peek of Rushing to Distraction HERE!
Share your story, have you ever allowed a lost love to distract you from daily life?
Dahlia Talk: Wrong Vengeance, from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
Chapter 1: The Loitering Bachelor.
In chapter one of "Wrong Vengeance", the main character, Brandy encounters the unwanted advances of a no-good man who represents everything she's trying to run from. A quick run to the convenience store, late at night, turned into a fight for demanding respect as well as driving the point of rejection home for the "Loitering Bachelor".
What is a "Loitering Bachelor"?
A single, or not so single, guy who stands outside of a store. He's lurking b/c he has nothing else better to do but get phone numbers from women who are out of his league.
Usually he's unkept, jobless, and has no ambition for success. Everyday he wakes up and leave the house just to LOITER. Waiting for a woman to be captivated by his lies, only to use her for every good thing she has.
It always happen on the days I need to run in and out the store. I don't mind saying "hello" or even giving small talk. But there's a type of man who doesn't understand the "I'm not interested" language. Sometimes I tell a white lie and say I'm taken. Then there's a follow up "Well can you have friends?". I get the persistence, however if the tables were turned, a woman would appear to be crazy or unstable. Why can't these guys take the hint. Also, things can turn violent. Men whose egos are bruised tend to call you out of your name and get aggressive. So what is a woman to do in these situations. Give out the phone number anyway? I've done that, then ignore the texts/calls. Not all men get this treatment. The ones who are polite, charming, and even funny is able to get my attention. However, these "loitering bachelors" who KNOW they have no interest in anything beyond the bedroom or using a woman tend to be pushy.
What's your Loitering Bachelor Story?
Share your "Loitering Bachelor" story in the comments below!
About Wrong Vengeance
Brandy deals with the type of man she’s grown to despise. It’s hard for her not to turn into what destroyed her emotionally. She knew better. Knew she deserved better, but love…It ends in a nearly fatal disaster. Brandy was lucky to have fled the grasp of the pain attempting to draw her back in. Moving on, life deals her a good hand in love. However, the pain of what she escaped lingers; slowly releasing the monster within. Will she allow past hurt to eliminate future happiness? A constant replay of a bad experience can kill a good thing. It’s even worse when you’re becoming the Heartbreak.
Don't have the book yet? Order your copy today! Available on MULTIPLE eBook platforms. Paperback copies exclusively available on Amazon!
BONUS! Get a sneak peek of Chapter 1: The Loitering Bachelor, from Wrong Vengeance HERE!
Don't forget to share your story below!
You have to put yourself on work restriction to replenish!
Going and going and going and more going! Does the daily work ever end? NO! But, you have to put it on pause to catch a breather. If you don’t, your body will remind you why rest is needed.
I wake up, lay in bed to think about the million things I have to do for the day. Then, OH I’m running late! Shower time, find an outfit. It’s cold out so I need to layer up. Where’s my gloves? Found them. Do I have my keys? Already packed them. Wait…Metro card!
Out the door and on to the awesome MTA Subway ride. Fighting for a seat, or even a space, is a tiresome task in itself, but the joys of reaching my destination helps to forget about the commute aggravation.
On the to office to update websites and do a little writing/editing work in between. AND managing the magazine, answering emails. Lunch time, gotta get back on the train to hit an audition. Back to the office to finish the day.
Then, evening rush hour. Another fight on the train. Wait, I have to eat. Do I have food at the house? Nope, forgot to go grocery shopping. Stand in a long line with other annoyed 9-5ers with kids running around. Uggh I just want to go home!
Time for winding down? Absolutely NOT, gotta hit the computer to finish the tasks set for the day. Of course, here comes a curve ball….This goes on until about 3AM and get a few hours of sleep before its time to wake up and do it all over again.
Who can manage a healthy life with all of this?!?! I know I can’t. However, my body stepped in, and took control. Control in the sense of shutting down. Fatigue, headaches, stomach pains, and even a little memory loss. Feeling overwhelmed and tired before I could get out of bed, was the body’s way of saying…Chick, you’ve GOT to slow down and take care of me. I do my Self-Care Sundays…okay I’ll admit I’ve slacked off.
All of this to say, when you’re going 500 miles a minute, you can’t make this a daily habit. To remedy the results of burnout, I have to readjust my time management. Along with sneaking in some self-care and yoga/meditation in between to silence my mind. I have many things on my plate (not complaining, I LOVE it), but I am in my 30s, and no normal human can unction like this without properly resting.
Here’s a few ideas to kick-back and relax the mind and body:
(Yes, I need to take my own advice. Let’s do this together!)
Watch a funny show or movie. Laughter IS the best medicine. It releases the pains of whatever has “grinded your gears”; clearing the mind of bad thoughts. Laughing out loud can help cure any bad day. My shows of choice, Frasier, Schitt’s Creek, Paternity Court (they have hilarious episodes), Golden Girls, and just about any reality show you can find!
Rest in Silence. Turn off your TV, phone, computer, and your MIND. Stop thinking so much. I tend to overthink EVERYTHING. Creating outlandish scenarios that never happens all because of past experiences, or just my mind running away from me. Thinking too much causes stress, and doesn’t help when you need to focus on work. Just calm down and into space for a few minutes.
Self-Care. Soak your feet in Epsom salt to release the toxins of traveling through the city by foot, or give yourself a much needed facial. Anything that will take care of your body. Pampering yourself is a good key in relaxing. Take care of your body, and it’ll take care of you.
Don’t allow others to pressure you to rush. Yes deadlines are important, but some things can wait. Just because the other party is on a quick timeline (or like to appear go be. Honestly, they’re fumbling to get themselves together as well), doesn’t mean you have to run yourself crazy. Set up your calendar to follow-up when its convenient for you. There’s nothing wrong with a few calls going to voicemail. Prioritize what’s important, and what can wait until you’ve had time to clear your mind.
Limit your time on “the media”. Whether you know it or not, social media kills your expectations and goals for yourself. By constantly scrolling through other’s success stories or tales of having it all together, you feel the pressure of not working hard enough. I read a good meme once, it said: “Don’t let the internet rush you.” Newsflash, nobody has it all together. So what if they’ve accomplished a goal that you’re working towards. Their shine doesn’t dim your light, nor take away from your final destination. YOU WILL GET THERE ON YOUR TIME! Also, scrolling through timelines, only takes away from your own working hours and relaxation time.
Breathe. Take deep breaths in, and slowly exhale.
Ask yourself, did you RELAX today?
And I LOVED every morsel of it!
Thanksgiving is centered on family and friends gathering on the specific holiday, laughing, cooking, and most importantly EATING. The day turns into night with long distant cousin catchup along with badgering questions from the elders pondering on your wedding date and when you’re starting a family. I don’t deal with that much as my Thanksgivings have been with my close family hopping form house to house tasting all of their special dishes.
My favorite holiday as it revolves around food was a bit different this year. Since I wasn’t able to get home to GA, I took a “me” day for the occasion. My plan was to cook m own style of Thanksgiving dinner along with enjoying good wine and relaxing. I did all three and then some.
The menu for the day was sweet, tasty, and simple. Cornish hens, free green beans, roasted red potatoes and spinach salad. Washing it all down with refreshing lemon water and Shiraz (my fav wine).
I woke up later than I had planned but luckily the grocery stores understand the importance of Thanksgiving procrastinators and the "forgetfuls". Obtaining my necessary ingredients, I hurried home to start on my meal.
It had been a while since I dabbled in Cornish hens however, when you’re good at something, it never goes away. Stuffing them with scallions, red, yellow, and green peppers. Topping it off with a variety of seasonings including garlic, Italian, seasoning salt and pepper. Rubbing the hens down with butter for that added flavor, and my babies were ready to bake! I love to mix red potatoes with onion seasoning wrapped with butter or oil. As far as the green beans, zesty seasonings, but not too much because I didn’t want to take away from that “freshness” taste.
As the gas stove prepared my meal, Golden Girl and Shiraz entertained me. I looked out of my window feeling grateful for how far I’ve come. Enjoying my New York apartment on a beautiful and blessed day!
After I was full of food, I retired with a hot shower, more episodes of Golden Girls and continuing the thoughts of thankfulness. Although I wasn’t able to see my family, I nice lengthy phone conversation eased my heart as they regaled in me actually cooking along with giving sass about me not preparing this meal for them. (I’m the baby of the family soooo, I wasn’t one to volunteer for the cooking duties.)
I had been looking forward to my solo Thanksgiving for a while and I’m very pleased with the result of the meal and the overall day.
Although the holiday for being thankful only comes once a year, we should put into practice of gratitude, peace, a good meal, and enjoying the blessings.
How did you spend your Thanksgiving? Share Below!
Scary Situation While at Work...The Suspicious Packages
Working on my corporate gig started out as a normal day. Came into the office a little late, thanks to a heater situation, however still getting a good start on the day. So as the hours passed, I received an alert on my phone. Of course this alert came in while I was daydreaming, needing to get back to work. The alert notified that there was “Police Activity” on W58th St. I work near Grand Central Station (Around 42nd St. on the East Side of Manhattan). Although alarmed, I wasn’t worried.
Taking a break, I ventured outside and saw normal New York activity. People rushing to from work. Food stands full of customers, police sirens (very normal), and horns blowing because someone stayed in place two seconds after the light turned green. Normal New York afternoon.
Coming back into the office, I got an alert that there was a suspicious package in the building I worked in. WAIT WHAT!?!? HERE??! NOW!?!? Grabbing my stuff to get the hell out, I pondered about why this was happening. My mind immediately went to the 9/11 documentaries I tend to obsess over. Knowing what really happened in those offices, their thoughts, their last words, and things that could have possibly saved them. Like the notion of getting the hell out. See, within the docs I watched, planes hit one of the towers and the employees within were told that things were “under control”. Next thing you know, CHAOS!
Leaving the building, there was a bit of madness. Men in suits walking fast-style to elevators and once I reached outside, there was a line of NYPD officers holding rifles in front of the building. Another slew of officers lined up sitting on motorcycles, sniffing dogs and more officers putting up barricades.
What the hell?!?!
Who could function during this madness? I couldn’t. Watching the news earlier due to my phone alert showed a pipe bomb being mailed to the CNN center, causing everyone to be evacuated. Now I have to be evacuated. Scary sh*t! And newer alerts advising that “packages” were sent to Obama and Hilary Clinton. Not understanding any of this, I took on my first instinct to ensure the trains were still operating along with praying that nothing was going on there as well.
Gathering outside and comparing notes with a few co-workers, “I’m going to head on home.” Was my final decision. Although the situation was said to be “defused”. NYPD was still surrounding the place. I didn’t feel comfortable going back in until the last officer left. Why are you still here? I’m glad you’re here but why? I watch too many documentaries and drama TV shows (art imitates real life) to know that there are always something else to the situation.
Feeling a little better as I was on the train back to Harlem, scenarios ran through my mind. Is this real life now? Leaving your work space because people want to be crazy?!?! And it’s all for some evil agenda set out to hurt innocent people to grab the attention of the powers that be. Sad right?
Safe to say that when I got home, I called my mom. I her baby I HAVE to let her know I was okay. For hours, I sat in my living room chair staring at the ceiling. Nerves rattled and mind not knowing what to do with myself. I was glad to learn that the package was a fraud. But at the moment how could you know? And you can’t take things like that lightly because once you do, something horrible happens.
Glad everyone involved is now safe and can return to work. However, THIS cannot be a new normal. I’ll take the crazy subway rides, random noises, even the angry New Yorkers, but a bomb threat….NOPE. I’ll never be able to get used to that one.
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia