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Chronicles of a Solo Vacation in Puerto Rico  In continuing to “get back to me”, I decided to take a breather. My choices were to take a few days off from work and stay home OR take this show on the road with a solo vacation. I have travel buddies, but I’ve always wanted to explore a new place alone. I see it as sort of a challenge and since it was super last minute, I didn’t want the trip to be based on whether or not someone could attend with me. The ironic thing is that stress, work, and COVID messing up my Summer creative plans led me to take this time away, which paid off big time for my mental health.  Throughout my search for deciding where to go, I wanted to visit a place I’d never been to. My choices were Venice Beach, CA; Somewhere else in California, and Puerto Rico. Long story short, Puerto Rico won. Although I was all set for a nice vacay on a beautiful island, there were certain protocols in place to get into the island:
The usual vacation for me is tourist attractions in the daytime, then at night….out to the streets for partying and dancing until the morning! But this time was different due to the mandatory curfew from the hours of 10 pm-5 am and certain tourist attractions were not open for business. At first, it was a downer but just as life aligns with what we need, I needed to stay in place. Plus, my Airbnb had the BEST patio, I could stay out there ALL NIGHT and I did!
I was able to venture out into San Juan to explore the city along with patronizing restaurants with good food and drinks. The best part, Ocean Park BEACH! Who needs the nightlife when the beach gives the best vacation experience!?! I brought along my new tripod for pics (b/c it never happens if it doesn’t make it to the gram), drinks, and my music playlist. All ingredients to have regained peace, free me from worries, and throw them all into the ocean. As the sunset came, I headed to a good restaurant for more drinks and good food before retiring each day. Now, back to this lovely patio at my Airbnb. I never knew heaven could be on a balcony. Two hammock-style chairs, a dining room table to feel the breeze while I eat, and spacious areas to take good pics. My mornings were spent on the patio enjoying the fresh air and thinking of what I wanted to do that day. I stayed out there until 2 am, listening to music, face-timing friends, and watching one of my fav shows…Paternity Court with Lauren Lake! Everything I would do at home was magnified because of the refreshing atmosphere. It was very hard to leave this beautiful place and I’m already making plans to return before the end of the year. I accomplished everything I wanted by clearing my mind, relaxing, and just living in moments with beautiful views. My first solo vacay was a complete success.
Thank you, Puerto Rico!  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.
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A mini-session over the Hudson River  During the months of being quarantined, I was becoming unraveled and suffocated, just to stay healthy and safe. Although the city has begun slowly reopening; there isn’t much for me to do to rid myself of cabin fever. A fever that lasted throughout the Winter, Spring, and seeping into the Summer. Along with being antsy to get out, there were so many emotions traveling through me. Feeling stagnant in my career, overworked, under-served, but still wearing the guilt of “You can’t complain because at least you still have a job…”. I read a tweet that said, it’s okay to be grateful but not satisfied. It gave me a little relief in my mental confusion of what’s okay to feel. My home became my place of work. And who likes being at work 24/7? Not me. Having my laptop in the corner staring me down, reminding me of what to work on the next day clouded every other creative project I planned to work on. It also didn’t help that the creative outlets were shut down and forced to be online only. Though I made a way to be slightly productive, I didn’t feel as if those strides were getting me anywhere. Mornings turned into evenings while my mind became frustrated and completely exhausted.  The Resolution I tried hanging out on the weekends by taking early day walks. It worked, a little, then I got into the routine of overly spending at restaurants because I was so excited that I could at least have dinner and drinks (outside dining only). To me, I didn’t want to create a new habit (or dig up an old one) by trying to move away from being in this unsettled head space. Then, it hit me. Just go to the park, sit down, and BREATHE! I forgot about a habit I wrote about over a year ago, “Hudson Inspirations”, where I sat by the river watching boats. There are no thoughts of what do I need to do, how am I getting it done, or why am I doing this again? Just peace.
I headed over to Riverbank State Park and joined the many New Yorkers who too had the itch to get out (socially distancing of course), to begin a therapeutic process of cleansing my mind. There weren’t many boats on the water but the gorgeous view of New Jersey looking back at me and the river flowing did the trick. All of a sudden, I received a bonus. The sun was at its peak, the sky was clear and my eyes were captivated on its position. Throughout the afternoon/evening, a canvas opened up to the sunset and beautiful colors painted the sky.  I felt peace and a chance to just breathe. Yea, a few stressful tidbits snuck in, but they were pushed out by the warmth of the sun and continuous views of natural beauty. Inhaling and exhaling is more than keeping your body going, it’s for the mind as well. In any physical activity, we’re told to keep breathing. Why not apply that to the mind. That’s what I learned throughout my mini “Sky Therapy” session. I didn’t have to talk and spill my guts to a stranger, nor relive what bothered me in my head. The skies’ movement happening right before my eyes reminded me to keep breathing. (Of course, I did a little “People Watching” at the park as well. New York is FILLED with interesting characters!)  So, when you’re feeling overwhelmed, just look up and allow the sky to help in releasing the mind’s racing thoughts that may have crept in during Quarantine Season.  The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  The gloom and doom of 2020 have shifted us. Our minds are no longer finding the newness. Yes, we’ve developed creative ways to cope…but is it enough. Are we waking up happy or just rolling over into the next day because the sun is up? This message is for me as well. Since March, I’ve felt as if I were in the “Twighlight Zone”. Uncertain times are scary and it has done a number on my mental health. Finding new (and old) activities have helped me discover a better balance to this “New Normal”. During this time, I’ve found new TV series and movies, perfected my craft in iPhone Photography, stayed connected with close friends/family, along with getting more work done for my book series promotions. While waiting for the world to fully reopen, I’m continuing to rebuild myself mentally and physically. Take this moment to find that zest for life again. What gets you out of bed? What motivates you? What drives you to get through the day? Get that fire back to LIVE and stop simply existing!   The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey.  A healthy conversation inspired by the book, “Rushing to Distraction” (The Foolish Heart) HIM: “She knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” HER: “He knew I wanted to be with him and kept treating me like his girlfriend.”  Dating is tough. In current times, the “getting to know you” phase has turned into “Hey, let’s pretend we’re in a relationship…but you can’t claim me though”. Things move way too fast, resulting in developed feelings that are often hurt because nothing progresses. Girlfriend/boyfriend benefits are given without merit, while in the end…somebody will come to the conclusion that they aren’t ready. In most cases, it’s the man who initiates the conversations of “I’m not ready for what you want.” OR “It takes time for me to get there.” When spoken with genuine intentions, there’s nothing wrong with expressing the need to slow down on the emotion train. However, why would she play a role for weeks or months with no return on the investment? And his excuse, “She knew what it was.” But if we break this down logically, HE KNEW as well. Disclaimer: This blog isn’t to bash the male species. Just giving facts to induce healthy conversations. You don’t have to agree, but just know that WE ALL should pay attention to hints and red flags. Now that’s out of the way, let’s approach this one from a woman’s perspective, shall we?  Her Red Flags In today’s culture, women are charged with the responsibility of knowing the signs; recognizing red flags. What we’ve forgotten is that women can give off red flags too.
Instead of taking these as a warning sign, men tend to pick up on these vibes and use them to their advantage. Because at the end of the day, “I told her I didn’t want a relationship.” Well, she said that she wanted one. Shouldn’t he share the blame when sh*t hits the fan? To be fair, no woman should give her all when she’s not receiving what she deserves and desires. So, let’s not use this as an excuse to be foolish ladies. However, you’re not 100% responsible for allowing things to go too far. Because “He knew what it was, too!”  How Was She Supposed to Know? Yes, women tend to get ahead of themselves. Mentally planning an extravagant relationship after a few dates. Hearing what she wants to hear…the list can go on. But while he’s treating her like a girlfriend AND expecting boyfriend benefits, is she wrong for feeling like a relationship was on the horizon? He pursued her, he opened up to her, all of his time outside of work and with friends was spent with her, he expected intimacy (SEX), he did romantic things, called her pet names like “babe”, “sweetie”. But at the end of the day, that’s all it was and having a friend was satisfying to him. So, while he’s taking the memories as just that and moves on, she’s stuck with feelings that she didn’t ask for in the first place. In these scenarios, people would say, “Well he DID tell you he wasn’t ready.” Yes, it’s best to listen to the truths spoken. However, the actions didn’t align with what he “didn’t want”. Aren’t we supposed to pay attention to one’s actions versus their words?  Why Lie? How many times have we heard, “Men will say anything to get what they want.” ‘Tis true but why? Why lie just to get what you want out of a person? There are plenty of women who want a “no strings attached” type of relationship. But for some reason, hopeless romantics tend to end up with the guy who just isn’t ready. Lies can destroy everything. In many cases, women are lied to, to keep the facade going. Being that lies have to be told, shows that the man understands she wants to be with him, however, he had no plans on doing the same. So, subconsciously he saw the red flags, right? But he’s having such a great time that he’s not ready for it to end. (Yea, yea I know, women lie too!). Major Key: If you need to lie to get what you want you know you’re doing wrong. Just Leave Her the Hell Alone! “You know I was fine before you came into my life, right?” The chase. Oh, how we LOVE the chase! To women, it’s a sign of “Oh my God, this is it!”. To men, just another conquest to feed the male ego.  “Good morning beautiful” texts, communicating on the regular, almost begging to spend time with her. But that’s just the beginning actions. They don’t last, they tend to fizzle over time. In many cases, when she begins to return the gestures, emotions, and feelings, he backs away because he’s not ready. For some reason, once she’s into him, he realizes “Oops, I don’t want a relationship”. But she knew what it was. Wait…did he not know where things were headed? Why pull out when things are looking to get serious? Should have just left her alone in the first place.  I’m Sorry?!?! At the end of it all, there’s THE CONVERSATION. Women disguise it as closure but deep down, she’s trying one last time to convince him of her devotion. “Hopefully he’ll see how much I’m invested in this and he’ll change”. WRONG! I don’t even know why men engage in the ending conversation because all they have to offer is an "I’m sorry”. Initially, she doesn’t want to hear, “I’m sorry”. Those words aren’t satisfactory when her heart and hopes are crushed. Her time was wasted, she told and showed him what she wanted. “I’m sorry” doesn’t get that time back nor erase the feelings. “I’m sorry” doesn’t heal the pain of him knowing in the first place that he didn’t want to be with her but kept stringing her along.
 In each case, everyone should approach dating with honesty, realistic expectations, accountability, and respect. And most importantly, take your time. You don’t have to rush into the actions of relationship matters. Enjoy dating! To dive more into this concept, check out the book, Rushing to Distraction (The Foolish Heart), from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series. What are your thoughts? Whether you agree or disagree, let’s have a healthy conversation! The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. Do You Stay Where You Are...Or Take a Risk to Try Again? Book Chat for the book, Devastation or Destiny???  The Gamble It's a crapshoot, in leaving "all you know" to venture out into the "unknown". In love, it's no different. Those who have left long-term relationships (for whatever reason) have jumped back into the dating world, only to find that they could have kept what they had. But, in a good moment, being in the right place at the right time, the Universe sprinkles that spark down on you placing you in fates hands. In the end, these moments reveal exactly why things didn't work out in the comfort zone of your heart. Have You Ever Settled for Love out of Fear? Everyone wants to love and to be in love. So much that they’ve accepted lowered standards or a life in which they didn’t desire, just to have that. In some cases, they live happily ever after. Although, there’s always that itch for something more, or what’s on the other side of that fear. We should never take “whatever” that is handed to us, due to the fear of being alone. The mind isn’t operating out a sense of self-awareness. It's in survival mode. And once in survival mode, you’ll do anything to hold on to that love. Even if it means a daily compromise of yourself with nothing in return.  In Devastation or Destiny???, Tanya was faced with a BIG curveball which led to the demise of her relationship. One that she felt would last forever. In losing something so major, piled on top of the pain, humiliation, and lowered self-esteem; she was faced with an opportunity to start over. Then, the opportunity to go back to the comfort zone presents itself leaving her with the decision of, “What life do I choose? The one I want, OR the one in which I know how the story will end.”  About Devastation or Destiny??? (The Settled Heart) Tanya found her happy ending, but it wasn’t the one she wrote. A lover of adventure and exploration found the heart of a hard-working traditional man. Kenneth is unwilling to take on her dreams, however, he gives the greatest love with no reservations. As their wedding day approaches, she finds herself thinking of what could have been. Did I give up on what I REALLY wanted too soon? Fearing that she’ll miss out on a chance of true love, Tanya gives in. But, the deep yearnings never end. The universe hears the inner cries of the life she wanted, as she prepares to take on a new life with Kenneth. Life eventually gives her want she truly wants but with a cost…Devastation! Thrown into dismay, Tanya finds herself starting over. Will the devastation be worth it? Or should she have been grateful for the “once in a lifetime love”? The third “diary entry” from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series is Available NOW! The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown) is a New York City author/blogger from Macon, GA. Recently, she released the book series, the Heartbreak Diaries outlining different perspectives of heartbreak. The Dahlia Diaries is a lifestyle blog penned by The Blakk Dahlia, sharing her story in NYC along with life lessons and tips she's learned in her journey. |
Photo Credit: Joe Miles
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series
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