I’m done counting time. I just want to live and be grateful.
"...I don’t celebrate birthdays. So that stops me from counting days, which stops me from counting time. Which allows me to look the same way I did 10 years ago..." – Prince
I turned 32 recently (Nov. 25, 2017) and my day was filled with HAPPINESS. Just happy for no reason. Just grateful to be breathing. I couldn’t explain where this amount of joy was coming from but I received and lived in it. Thinking of what to do, I enlisted the help of my good girlfriend because she’s been doing this New York living thing for 6 years now. I wanted something chic/grown & sexy to celebrate a new year, and my first official birthday as a New York resident. We settled on a Sex and the City type lounge where the drinks were good, the music was filled with the likes of Journey & Madonna, and the ambiance screamed Adults Only! The name of this magical place, Employees Only. Sweet cocktails that opened my pallet to want more of this style of adulting. The cocktails came with a flirty bartender who was so kind to acknowledge my birthday with a complementary drink and cake to split with my girl. Just the touch I needed to welcome in another year in my early thirties. I just wanted a happy day. And I got that.
Prior to this day, I had a bit of reflection. Mostly bad. As always, reaching a certain age society says you should have it all figured out by now. Youngins (teens and early 20 year olds) look at you like “I’m not gonna be like her when I get that age.” Older people wonder why you aren’t married with kids or why you don’t have that grand career. But those parts don’t bother me. My reflections consisted of the goals I set for myself and as life goes, the curve balls prevented me from reaching them. Yea I know it happens to everybody, but it still stings a bit. Even finding myself being consumed and obsessed with age. Looking at others younger than me and wondering what did they do right? I started to feel like I was 10 years behind. What in tha hell have I been doing for the past 10 years?
The unanswered question had me down for a minute but like clockwork, a reminder of what I’ve accomplished in my short time on this earth put things into perspective. No I don’t have everything I want but I’ve done a lot. And sitting around pondering about what or where I went wrong won’t change the past. Might as well move forward right?
Although I had a great day bringing in 32, I want that feeling EVERYDAY. Not just because I’m adding another year to my life. Plus, people put so much effort into an age. As soon as you meet someone, how old are you? Why does it matter? I’m here. Get to know me and see if my maturity level matches yours; because I’ve come across some grown ass kids. Sitting around counting the days and time only makes life go by faster. I want to enjoy moments and create memories. Of course I can do that while celebrating my birthday but at some point, I wouldn’t mind forgetting how old I am. I’m not your average 32 year old. I’m youthful but wise. Free-spirited but structured. And sometimes I go through spurts of feeling like I’m living like a college student. It’s weird to most but my life works for me and I don’t need the pressure of “Well you’re this age now so you may want to stop doing that.” NOPE! It feels good, I’m taking care of business, and I’m not hurting anybody.
Now this method may not work for or even be understood by everyone and its OK. Refusing to count time allows me to enjoy living. Making the days count instead of counting the days. On paper I’ll acknowledge how many years ago my parents conceived me but it won’t dictate my goals or how I’m moving in this life. I look good. And not that whole “looking good for my age” thing.
Prince was on to something, keeping tabs on time does nothing but grow you up faster than you need to. I’ll still accept the well wishes on future Nov 25th dates, but as for me, every day will be a celebration of the fact that I’m here.
Coming from a city with only two trains, North-South & East-West. Let’s just say trying to adjust to the NY subway system was a bit…different. Back in my visiting days, I attempted to hop on a train from the World Trade Center to Penn Station and ended up in Hoboken, NJ. Yea…that was an adventure lol. Learning the hard way that I couldn’t use a regular MTA card purchased from New York, I realized that I had A LOT to learn about getting around. And just hopping on any old train going anywhere wasn’t going to do.
I sometimes, live my life that way. Just “making a decision” and going with it. I don’t like to waste time pondering about what route to take and any alternate ways. I just wanna get there. But that can be a dangerous game. Ending up in places unknown, then finding out that the resources you have just won’t do. Although it can be avoidable, I always adjust to the decisions made and their results.
Now back to the trains.
Riding the train as a resident, was a little easier. Well, kinda. Catching an Uber to Flatbush station, b/c I wasn’t too comfortable with the bus routes just yet, I thought it was all good until….the 2 train was down for the weekend due to construction. Another one of those “Welcome to New York” moments. Looking around like an anti-damsel in much distress, one of the MTA workers approached me to help. You know, one thing I’ve learned about New Yorkers is that they have their own way of “caring” or you but it sounds like they’re fussing at you. I’ll call it a special tough love.
“WHAT TRAIN YOU NEED?!”
“Oh I need to get on the 2 train.”
“It’s back…” <--- At least that’s what I though he said. So I turned to walk the other way. Cause he did say it was back…as in back the other way.
“AYE! WHY YOU WALKING THAT WAY?!?!”
“I thought you said the 2 train was back that way.”
“No I SAID IT’S IN MANHATTAN. You need to get on the 5 over there!”
Found the 5 train and took a seat. And here he comes. Didn’t know he was on my trail.
“AYE! WHERE YOU GOT TO GO?!?”
I scrambled to look at my google maps app to give him an answer in a fast time frame, you know, to prevent more yelling.
“Oh yea you good.” His voice softened up a bit. Then he flashed a smile and left the train before the doors closed.
Sooooo do I say thank you for that hard knock lesson or just keep it pushing. Although I was grateful for his direction, the delivery had me in my feelings for a while.
And once that crisis was done. Here comes another.
As I settled in my seat I noticed the people around me. Just everyday people. No crazies, nobody tap dancing for loose change, or a weirdo looking to strike up a convo which would end in him asking for my number. But honey as that train moved, a young gentleman sitting across from me arose out of his seat and began.
The dude was actually cute. Didn’t peg him as the type to be a “train speaker”. So here goes.
“Ladies and gentleman I hope ya’ll are having a nice day. My purpose is to tell you about Christ and how he saved me.”
Hmmm kay. Not too shabby. I mean I love me some Jesus.
“Well it started with me being addicted to porn…”
“I grew up in a household where I masturbated, watched porn and had a collection of magazines…..Then I found Christ. I’m here to tell you that masturbation is a sin. But you can be delivered just like me.”
Damn this was a fine time to leave the headphones at home. Now I love the Lord but do I really want to feel bad about PornHub.com putting me to sleep most nights while I’m on the train to this agency appointment. NO! So as the train moves along, I’m trying not to make eye contact with this dude. But I do a few times. No choice but to listen to his tales of masturbation, porn, masturbation, masturbation, masturbation. I’m sure you had other sins sir.
Yes, I believe Jesus is the way but sheesh! I wasn’t ready for the “Tales of the Former Masturbator”.
Thank GOD his stop was coming close. As soon as the doors opened, he bid his farewell and off he went. Leaving us with the remnants of his porn and masturbation fables.
So this is what I’m to expect? Stories that make me uncomfortable. This gist of him coming to Christ was all well and fine but I didn’t need to know everything.
After being semi fussed at and that story. I was ready to get off.
Welcome to New York.
When a Snap Chat Filter Makes You Reflect.
Playing around on SnapChat. (Side Bar: I usually do this when I have my contacts in b/c the facial recognition doesn’t work with these cat eye glasses.) Swiping through, I found this cute roses crown. Kind of like the classic “THOT” filter but with roses and a lot cuter. Anywho, I started to think about the actual flower. A Rose. And what makes it grow….in some cases, people use rich soil, seaweed, but what really came to mind, was manure. Shyt, defecation…whatever you want to call it. It also applies to life. These past few years have been “with the shyts”. Life curve balls, getting in my own way, other people getting in my way, and the list goes on. But beautiful things have blossomed through dealing with “the shyts”. Something as beautiful as a bed of roses.
I thought about lot of “shyts” I’ve been through and how they’ve helped me come to great positions. From bettering myself, to new opportunities, even leading me to new horizons, if it weren’t for “the shyts”, I wouldn’t have my roses.
So the next time you find yourself in a shytty place, prepare yourself for the roses. In life you need the go through the shyts to get to the beautiful places.
The Evening I Found My Spirit Animals in an Art Gallery. Thank you Marko Stout!
The temperature was dropping and of course the train is delayed. But I'm glad I had the opportunity to attend a VIP Party featuring the amazing works of multimedia artist, Marko Stout. The Solo Exhibition was presented by Madatart in conjunction with MSE, NYC and held this past week at Emmanuel Fremin Gallery. Guests enjoyed Stout's latest prints featuring beautiful models in edgy and fun scenes. Pushing the envelope, Stout took guests into his world of art captivating eyes with expressive creations. The event also had complementary wine along with music making it a good night to be in Chelsea Manhattan.
This style of art spoke to me. I felt like a few of these models were my "Spirit Animals" guided by the notion to let go of inhibitions and be YOU. Sexy, edgy, beautiful and COOL.
Not that I see myself as a dominatrix or to be in a submissive role, I see so much control in these prints. Control over all areas in yourself, and loving yourself enough to do away with what other people will; emerging as who you want to be.
Gotta love NYC art! To be in a place of non-judgement and seeing your alter egos stare you in the face...what a nice moment :)
So I’m just scrolling through the internet minding my business and I come across this lovely look. Being an ultimate lover of crop tops and looks, I was immediately drawn to this #OOTD from Kendall Jenner. It was written that this outfit was worn at her most recent birthday shindig. What a great way to celebrate a new year in life than with a crop top. A sexy-simple but chic crop with over-sized ripped jeans showing the contrast of comfy but sexy. And to top it off, these YSL boots (valued at $10,000) to give a splash of style. Boots that seems like everyone has but me. LOL L Well, not everyone but I would love a pair. Oh how I wish to be a trust fund baby but I digress.
Indeed I’d try to recreate it and make it my own. Decking it out with my fav pair of DD’s Discount, Forever 21, or Express heels ;).
"I just like to write and create stuff. These are the diaries of how I'm living in NYC with sprinkles of life lessons I've learned along the way!"
- The Blakk Dahlia
Latest book from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series